Larry James' CelebrateIntimateWeddings BLOG

Sunday, December 6, 2009

S-M-I-L-E. . . A Little Wedding & Relationship Humor!

Filed under: Humor Break!,Wedding Tips — Larry James @ 8:00 am
Tags: , , ,

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer:

“Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I’m to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that part out.” He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.

It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom’s vows, the pastor looks the young man in the eye and says:

“Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?”

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, “Yes,” then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: “I thought we had a deal.”

The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom’s hand and whispered: “She made me a better offer.”

•    •    •

While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona cafe, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather to how things used to be in the “good old days”.

Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked, “Roy, aren’t you and your bride celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary soon?”

“Yup, we sure are,” Roy replied.

“Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?” another man asked.

The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied, “For our 25th anniversary, I took the missus to Tucson. For our 50th, I’m thinking about going down there again and picking her up.”

•    •    •

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:

“Are you the owner?”
The pharmacist answers “Yes.”
“We’re about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?”
“Of course we do.”
smile2“How about medicine for circulation?”
“All kinds.”
“Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis?”
“Definitely.”
“How about Viagra?”
“Of course.”
“Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, Jaundice?”
“Yes, a large variety. The works.”
“What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson’s disease?”
“Absolutely.”
“You sell wheelchairs and walkers?”
“All speeds and sizes.”
Jacob says to the pharmacist: “We’d like to register here for our wedding gifts, please.”

•    •    •

Dear John,

I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement. Won’t you forgive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart. I was such a fool. No one can take your place. I love you.

All my love,
Kelly xxxxoooxxxx

P.S. Congratulations on winning this week’s lottery.

•    •    •

A newlywed left work one Friday afternoon but, being payday, rather than going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.

Finally appearing at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Eventually, his bride stopped the nagging and simply said to him, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”

“That would be perfectly fine with me,” he replied.

Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

By Thursday, the swelling had gone down just enough to where he could see her out of the corner of his right eye.

Want more wedding & relationship jokes. . . click here!

happdayCopyright © 2009 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s Wedding Website. Larry James is a non-denominational minister and performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere! Every wedding ceremony is customized to your complete satisfaction. Call to check availability: 480-998-9411 or 800-725-9223. You will find more than 455 pages of Wedding ideas, tips (90 tips and growing), ceremonies, and more at: http://www.celebrateintimateweddings.com. Check Larry’s availability.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles, “LoveNotes” and wedding tips listed in this Wedding BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Sunday, November 8, 2009

Add a Little Humor to Your Wedding Ceremony

I performed my “romantic” wedding ceremony for Cassandra Nelson and Marshall Grace at 4 p.m. at Trilogy Golf Club at Vistancia, Peoria, AZ on Saturday, November 7, 2009.

tinysmileyfaceTheir wedding was a “fun” wedding with a little humor to lighten things up. When the Groom took his place next to the Bride I looked at him and said, “Marshall, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say in this marriage can – and probably will – be held against you!” The guests burst into laughter. I guess the guests didn’t expect the Minister to have a sense of humor.

When I said, “If any of you can show just cause why this couple should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace” all eight of the Groomsmen produced signs that said, “Quiet Please!” and the eight Bridesmaids in unison all said, “Shusss” as if to say, “Quiet!

Another lighthearted moment came when I said, “You may now kiss the bride!” The Bride turned from the Groom while the Maiden of Honor came over to touch up her lipstick and fluff her hair while the Groom turned from the Bride and the Best Man offered him some breath freshener. At that point, the Maiden of Honor lifted a sign that said, “Applause!” Everyone applauded and laughed and then the Bride and Groom kissed.

Instead of doing the Blending of the Sands ceremony, we did a Water Ceremony. Two containers were filled with water and in the main vase there were 3 drops of blue and 3 drops of red cake coloring. When the two containers of clear water were poured into the main vase, the color of the water magically changed to a pale shade of purple to match the dresses of the Bridesmaids.

All eight Bridesmaids were barefoot with flowers on their right ankle color coordinated to match their dresses.

We also signed the Marriage License during the ceremony near the end. I do this quite regularly so the guests can watch as the Bride, Groom and two witness sign the license. That way I don’t have to try to get everyone together again immediately after the ceremony to sign the license. Often the witnesses are in a hurry to get their “social lubricant” at the bar and rounding them up again delays starting the photos.

At the very end of the ceremony I ask the guests to offer their congratulations at the reception and invite the parents to go before me so they can be with the bridal party to offer their private congratulations and be together so that pictures of the wedding party can stay on schedule.

For me, it was a refreshing change with brief bits of humor for which the guests indicated their approval and appreciation to me after the ceremony at the reception.

graceFANI thought this was a terrific idea for all the guests at Cassandra and Marshall’s wedding. A very nice fan (the weather was warm) was left on each chair before the wedding ceremony began. The photo shows one side of the fan that featured the names of the entire wedding party, and the flip side showed the bride and grooms names and the date of their wedding.

Congratulations to Mr. & Mrs. Marshall Grace!

grace

Copyright © 2009 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s Wedding Website. Larry James is a non-denominational minister and performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere! Every wedding ceremony is customized to your complete satisfaction. Call to check availability: 480-998-9411 or 800-725-9223. You will find more than 455 pages of Wedding ideas, tips (90 tips and growing), ceremonies, and more at: http://www.celebrateintimateweddings.com. Something NEW about weddings is posted every 4th day on this Wedding BLOG. Check Larry’s availability.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles, “LoveNotes” and wedding tips listed in this Wedding BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
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Saturday, August 29, 2009

Honor Step-Children in Your Wedding Ceremony

Filed under: Children or No Children?,Wedding Tips — Larry James @ 12:01 am
Tags: , , ,

Consider including children from a previous marriage in your bridal party as bridesmaids, attendants, junior attendants, ushers, flower girl or ring bearer. The girls can hand out programs from pretty baskets before the ceremony.

According to the National Step-parenting Association, over 25% of brides or grooms have children from a previous marriage or relationship. Bringing a new spouse into the parent-child relationship can be a challenge. Children may feel threatened by the loss of their parent’s time and attention. They may feel that they are no longer loved as much as they were previously and this can lead to resentment toward the new spouse.

I believe it is wise to include the childen in the ceremony. It will help them feel very special and a true part of this new family. Little girls love to get all dressed up and every little boy loves a party.

Children may also like to do a short reading during the ceremony, or even escort the bride (their mother) down the aisle. However, remember that often small children (under the age of five) become distracted easily and notoriously have small attention spans during the boredom of dry clerical recitations. Instead of having very young children stand with the wedding party, it is a good idea to have them be seated after they finish their part in the ceremony.

At one of my weddings there was a 5 year old ring bearer. During rehearsal his mother was at the back row telling him when he should walk to the front with his ring pillow. At the rehearsal he slowly walked to the front, gave the ring on the pillow to the Best Man, turned and went to his seat on the front row. Perfect, right?

At the wedding it was a different story. As soon as his Mother turned him loose, he ran all the way to the front row and threw the ring pillow at the Best Man, who jumped at least a foot off the ground to catch the pillow. As the Best Man was “in the air” the photographer took a photo, I said, “Nice catch!” and everyone got a good laugh. In the meantime the little boy, startled at the laughter, turned around and ran all the way to the back row to his Mother.

Some couples will have the children light the family Unity Candle (not recommended at an outdoor wedding). A part of the ceremony can be edited to express to them that this is a marrage of family, not just two people. They all participate in lighting the Unity Candle to signify the joining of all of the family together. If you have an outdoor wedding, the candles are sometime difficult to light or to stay lit. Hurricane lamps may help, however you may want to have the Unity Candle indoors at the reception.

Sometimes the step-parent can offer a gift to the step-children. The girls could get a heart-shaped locket and the boys get a silver rope chain. Pendents, inscribed bracelets, pins or an inscribed watch for a boy are other ideas.

Involve the children in the planning of the wedding. Ask them for ideas. Children love to be consulted about details so encourage them to suggest colors, flowers, and even wedding music, even though their taste might be in question. You may want to let the children have a say in choosing what they will wear (within reason). Include the older girls when having hair and nails done before the wedding. Have the older children take candid pictures with a disposable wedding camera.

Girls love being creative and involved with making things. Have them help with making wedding favors, head-dresses, and table decorations. Boys can stuff the invitation envelopes and apply the postage stamps.

Some couples may have the minister or a close family member offer a special family prayer.

Be sensitive to the children’s feelings and remember kids are often shy, so be sure to have some “behind the scenes” jobs or activities available. If a child is reluctant to be involved in any activity, and there may be many reasons for this, respect their point of view and never force their involvement. Remind them that their presence is of great importance and that will be enough if that is their comfort level.

Larry James has a very special “Blended Family Ceremony for Step-Children,” a ceremony that includes the stepchildren in the ceremony in a very loving way.sandchildren

Another idea is to use the Blending of the Sand Ceremony with Children (See Ceremony #2) and include the children.

It takes time to develop a relationship with a step-child, but it is important to the success of the marriage that the children feel that they a part of the new family.

By the way, “National Stepfamily Day!” is celebrated annually on September 16th and was founded by Christy Borgeld in 1997.

Copyright © 2009 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s Wedding Website. Larry James is a non-denominational minister and performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere! Every wedding ceremony is customized to your complete satisfaction. Call to check availability: 480-998-9411 or 800-725-9223. You will find more than 445 pages of Wedding ideas, tips (90 tips and growing), ceremonies, and more at: http://www.celebrateintimateweddings.com. Check Larry’s availability.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles, “LoveNotes” and wedding tips listed in this Wedding BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

Add Larry James to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Relationship BLOG” at: http://CelebrateLove.wordpress.com/
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

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