Larry James' CelebrateIntimateWeddings BLOG

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

How to Tell Guests Where Are You Registered

You should never include wedding registry info with your invitations! Never!

It is considered inappropriate to include in your invitations where you are registered. No guest should ever receive an announcement about your wedding registry: not with your invitations, via e-mail, or from a store. If the store offers to send a note, decline the offer. Instead, pass the word through family and friends. It’s okay to tell someone if they ask you or to let those who may host a bridal shower for you so they can tell those who attend.

WEDregistry2Guests often feel at a loss when choosing wedding gifts, and would prefer to purchase something you picked out yourself. Request a gift card to a nice restaurant for the bride and groom.

Some couples who do not wish to receive gifts, which is often the case with a second-time bride or groom, will provide the name of a charity organization to which wedding guests can contribute in lieu of buying a wedding gift for the couple.

Anna Post ~ great-great-granddaughter of etiquette guru Emily Post and author of Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette. Here is what she had to say about wedding registries:

“There’s a funny catch about wedding gift etiquette: If you’re invited to a wedding, you’re expected to give a gift, regardless of whether or not you attend. But in order to keep the focus on your guests rather than the gifts, registry information should never be included with the wedding invitation. That goes for any enclosures, too. Some stores give out little “We are registered at this store” cards for you to oh-so-conveniently include with your invitations — but don’t. Any mention of the registry on or with the invitation is like saying, “We hope you can come to the wedding. Now, about that gift we all know you’ll be sending…”

Good etiquette is also usually quite practical. I’m not a fan of fussy rules for their own sake, but this is one case where I think the extra effort is worth it. Without a wedding website, word of mouth is your best and only option that isn’t on the tacky side. Tell your close friends, family and your wedding party where you’re registered. This isn’t grasping for gifts — it’s how registry information has always been shared. Say, “If any other guests ask you [which they very well might], we’re registered at _____.”

It’s also entirely likely, and perfectly okay, that guests will ask you directly where you’re registered. Let them know, “We’re registered at XYZ store, but anything you choose would be wonderful. Thank you!” As a bride planning her wedding right now, I’ve gotten that question quite a bit lately, which means my fiancé and I better hurry up and figure out our registry soon!

It is, however, okay to include registry information with bridal shower invitations. The point of the shower is that you are getting gifts; thus it’s okay, and convenience wins. The host can include the registry information with the shower invitation. This is the right place to put those little store-provided registry cards to use, or to include a slip of paper with the information.

Some shower hosts don’t include registry information at all, and instead, only share it with those guests who RSVP “yes”. Though it’s not required, some shower guests who can’t attend might like to send a gift anyway, so I think it’s nice to include the information with the [shower] invite.

If you do choose to have a wedding website, adding the site to the enclosures sent with the invitation can be a nice bridge. Simply include the web address along with any maps or directions. When guests check the site, the registry information will be there. It’s a step removed, but I think it’s a step worth taking.” ~ Anna Post

Conclusion: Good ol’ word of mouth is best!

BONUS Article: For Guests Only – Wedding Gift Suggestions for the Bride and Groom

Copyright © 2015 – Anna Post. Emily Post Weddings – from old traditions to new trends, The Emily Post Institute has over 90 years of offering trusted inspiration, advice, and etiquette for couples, families, and guests. Visit: http://www.EmilyPost.com/wedding

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