Larry James' CelebrateIntimateWeddings BLOG

Saturday, May 21, 2011

So. . . You’re the Best Man, Eh??

Filed under: Guest Authors,The Best Man,Toasts — Larry James @ 7:00 am

Wendy Hartigan, Guest Author

Kye Harman is a very clever and amusing gentleman from the U.K. that has a blog called Simply The Bestman. He wanted to send me this article because he happened on my blog recently and thought I needed more for the men in the wedding. So, here are some tips on being the bestman. Enjoy the article and then take a look at Kye’s blog for more advice, etiquette and ideas. Thanks to Kye for this great piece!

So you have been asked to be best man, you have gone through the usual stages as it sinks in. First, your friend/brother/cousin has finally acknowledged you are indeed the “Best Man”, a fact you have believed all along, what’s more you’re finally going to get a free meal out of him.

Then the touching sentiment has dawned, that of all the people he knows he has chosen you to be by his side on the most important day of his life.

And finally you realise the massive task you now face, organising the stag do (can anyone actually co-ordinate his rabble of friends and family for a decent knees up?), taking care of the main man and seeing him through his big day and then there is the sphincter tightening realisation that you are going to have to write and deliver the killer Best Man’s speech.

But where do you begin? It is possibly one of the most daunting roles a man will face.

Most modern couples plan their weddings with near military precision (although this is mostly down to the sensible bride rather than the hapless groom) however you might be called upon to help out. Make sure you communicate regularly with the happy couple in the build up to their big day offering your services where required. They have picked you for this huge honour for a reason so make sure you help out wherever you can.

Communication is king. Stay in regular contact with the happy couple, find out what roles they would like you to fulfil on the day and how they would like your help during the planning. The groom will probably have a few ideas of his own when it comes to the stag do, make sure you respect his wishes at all times (well… most of them). A day crawling from one bar to another en route to a lapdancing club might be your idea of fun but is it his? And will this land him in any trouble with the soon to be Mrs?

Also you might find the groom is starting to break under the strain of having to choose the best one out of 200 dresses that all look the same to him and other assorted tasks he didn’t see coming. The beautiful girl he fell in love with has suddenly turned into Bridezilla, and at times it will feel to him that no matter what he says or does, any word of him will bring forth accusations of not caring or pulling his weight and a few lonely nights on the sofa. Offering to get him out on “wedding fact finding missions” to the local bar might be an invaluable help.

The greatest advice we can offer to any Best Man is to get organised early. When facing such a massive task many guys revert to type and work under the delusion that “if I just don’t worry about it it’ll sort itself out and it’ll all be ok in the end” or are filled with such dread of everything that faces them that they simply bury their head in the sand and keep putting everything off until “tomorrow.” Bad idea.

The more you put things off until the last minute the more of a panic you’ll find those last few weeks before the wedding. And come the big day the bride and groom will be panicking enough already without finding out that the man they thought they could rely upon above all others has spent the last few weeks trying to beat his highest score on “Call of Duty” rather than taking care of the tasks he had promised faithfully to accomplish.

Now it is fair to say that most women are far more organised than us guys. One thing that certainly sets us apart is the matter of writing lists. Most guys at some time or other have noted how the woman in their life has an inbuilt propensity for writing lists for pretty much everything that happens or needs to happen in her life. While we guys find this notion completely alien. Lists are for girls right? Or are they?

In fact men are actually the king of lists, it is indeed where we thrive. Not convinced? Name your top 5 films of all time? Greatest All Star NBA line up of all time? Top 10 albums of the 20th century? Lists are the corner stone of the most hotly debated guy talk in barss and offices the length and breadth of the country. So start with a list of tasks the future Mr and Mrs wedded bliss have asked you to take care of before the wedding. A list of the names and numbers/email address of the stag attendees, a list of everything you’ll need to attend to on the big day.

Its really not as scary as you think. Communicate. Get organised. Write those lists. Soon you’ll find you’re halfway there and that on the day you will indeed be the BEST MAN. As for that speech, well we’ve got a few tips for you there as well.

As for those lists… we thought we’d share of few of our own. Although obviously we don’t like to think of them as “lists”. These are just a sample of our “Top 10’s.” We don’t write lists. . . Lists are for girls! 😉

Top 10 Stag Do Daytime Activities

1. SKeet Shooting
2. Paintball
3. Go Karts
4. ATV Riding
5. Racing School
6. White Water Rafting
7. 4×4 Off Road Driving
8. Mud Buggies
9. Tank Driving
10. Infantry Experience

Top 6 Stag Do Anthems

1. White Wedding ~ Billy Idol
2. It’s Over ~ Roy Orbison
3. Love Is The End ~ Keane
4. See You On The Other Side ~ Ozzy Osbourne
5. Modern Love ~ David Bowie
6. It’s The End Of The World As We Know It ~ REM

Top 8 Bachelor Weekends

1. Golfing Weekend – For the competitive streak in you why not get a bit of Tiger Woods style action (minus the prostitutes, press exposure and loss of endorsements).

2. Road Trip – Hire some classic wheels or VW camper vans and take the groom on a road trip back down memory lane to all those happy places he’s never going to be allowed to see again.

3. Go Overboard ~ 3 men in a boat? Why not hire a cruiser and find every fine beach bar along the coast.
The world’s your lobster. See the big picture and go find yourselves a new playground to have fun in.

4. Overseas Trip ~ The world’s your lobster. See the big picture and go find yourselves a new playground to have fun in.

5. Go Native ~ Tents, tequila and tantrums. Can any bachelor party survive the riggers of a camping trip and live to tell the tale?

6. Activities Weekend ~ ATV riding, go cart racing, skeet shooting, kayaking. Why not visit one of many activities centres and do the whole lot?

7. Summer Camp ~ Remember getting packed off to summer camp when you were at school and hoping after the archery, rock climbing and white water rafting you can get drunk and talk one of the girls into letting you put your hand up her sweater? Well there are now many summer camps that cater for bachelor parties at weekends.

8. Kidnap ~ Try any of the above just don’t tell the groom. Simply tell him what to pack, turn up on the day and bundle him in the back of a waiting car. Be sure to make it authentic and hand the bride a ransom note telling her where to pick him up and what the price of his safe return will be.

BONUS Articles: Wedding Toasts
Rambling Ron, Rita and the “Toasted” Toaster
Tips on Giving a Wedding Toast

Copyright © 2011 – Wendy Hartigan. Reprinted with permission. Wendy is a Wedding Consultant and is the owner of Wendy’s Affairs of the Heart in Philadelphia. She offers a variety of consultation and planning packages to give you just the right amount of assistance to make your special day truly special and stress-free for you, your families, and your loved ones. Visit her Wedding Website and Blog.

Larry James is a non-denominational minister and performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere! Every wedding ceremony is customized to your complete satisfaction. Call to check availability: 480-998-9411 or 800-725-9223. You will find more than 460 pages of Wedding ideas, tips (90 tips and growing), ceremonies, and more at: Something NEW about weddings is posted every 4th day on this Wedding BLOG. Check Larry’s availability.

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