Larry James' CelebrateIntimateWeddings BLOG

Monday, July 31, 2017

8 Keys to a Harmonious Money Marriage

Filed under: Money Matters,Save $$$,Wedding Tips — Larry James @ 10:30 am

It was 170 years ago on June 2, 1847, that Felix Mendelssohn’s Wedding March was played at a wedding for the very first time. Today the Wedding March is a standard part of a classic wedding ceremony, usually played on an organ or piano. Throughout June, a favorite month for people to tie the knot, you will probably hear this song more than usual.

When all the notes are played as expected, the march is an enjoyable experience. However, if the notes are played wrong, it can be painful. It takes practice to get it right — the left and right hand must work in unison.

Marriage can also be enjoyable or painful, depending on how a couple works together. And just like learning to play a piece of music for the first time, don’t expect good results in marriage without practice. It’s no longer a one-handed musical performance. Now that there are two separate hands — and you are going to need earplugs if you don’t learn how to work together.

Here are some common left hand/right hand differences between couples when it comes to money. Do you see any of these in your relationship?

  • The hoarder and the spender (this is the most common combination). The hoarder takes the idea of saving to the extreme, sometimes neglecting legitimate family needs. The spender runs through more money than they have in their account and often relies on credit to pay.
  • The worrier and an avoider. The avoider shies away from money management, such as balancing the checkbook, making a budget and paying bills promptly. The worrier dwells and loses sleep thinking of money matters and wants a great deal of control over the finances.
  • The planner and the dreamer. The planner takes charge of the nitty-gritty details of the family’s finances, while dreamer acts as visionary, ignoring details and thinking big. These roles could be complementary, but they often leave partners battling over financial priorities.
  • The risk taker and the risk avoider. The risk taker’s aggressive approach to investing or career planning creates discomfort for the risk avoider who lives in fear that the family’s savings will be lost.

Whether a couple are polar opposites or strikingly similar in their financial practices, there is usually at least one difference, and that is where the problems arise. Couples should talk about financial preferences and ideas before dissonance erupts.

To achieve harmony, you need to get rid of your hangups over talking about money. Money is a major subject of marital quarrels, and even a cause of divorce.

Before you have that heart-to-heart discussion regarding dollar signs, consider your partner’s past training and experiences and try to appreciate their personal style. It’s easy for tempers to fly, especially when one spouse spends a lot more than the other or when one partner agrees to help with the other’s debt. To work through money issues, both partners should be prepared to give a little and search for some common ground. It’s a key to making beautiful music together.

You may find it helpful to discuss:

  • How each of your families handled money growing up, and what you did and didn’t like about it.
  • Your beliefs about money, such as how much income is enough, and how you define financial success.
  • What you can’t give up, as well as what you wouldn’t mind giving up.
  • Family goals — and include the children in these discussions. Pick a non-stressful time to have family money talks. (It’s probably not wise to call a meeting just after balancing the checkbook or while you’re deciding how much house you can afford.)
  • How to take equal responsibility for managing your money so both of you are informed. For example, if one person routinely pays the bills, the other should file the paid invoices.
  • Hitting the wrong notes. What issues repeatedly crop up? What attitudes and emotions are creating the behavior?

Above all, remember that your marital bliss has more to do with how you handle your money than how much money you have.

This isn’t a one-time discussion. Just like playing a piece of music over and over again to get right, you need to continue reviewing these issues again and again. Don’t give up if it is hard. Practice makes perfect.

Albert Einstein said, “I see my life in terms of music.” If that perspective works for a genius, maybe it can work for the rest of us. When it comes to the music of money, make sure you and your spouse are both reading off the same score.

Larry’s NOTE:  Practice does NOT make you perfect.  It only makes you better.  Better is a good thing.  Never stop practicing!

Copyright © 2017 –  Zions Bank’s zBlog.  

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Larry James is an award winning, non-denominational wedding officiant and performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere! Every wedding ceremony is customized to your complete satisfaction. Call to check availability: Cell: 480-205-3694. Pre-maritial relationship coaching is available and not required. You will find more than 475 pages of Wedding ideas, tips (90 tips and growing), ceremonies, and more at: http://www.celebrateintimateweddings.com. Something NEW about weddings is posted every 4th day on this Wedding BLOG. Check Larry’s availability.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles, “LoveNotes” and wedding tips listed in this Wedding BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Monday, June 2, 2014

How NOT To Negotiate With Your Wedding Vendors

Susan Southerland, Guest Author

You have the ring and you’ve set the date, but now the rubber is meeting the road and you’re running around doing tastings, viewing venues and looking at photography and video samples, figuring out who you want hire for your big day. There’s a huge difference between talking to someone about their products and services and actually signing on the dotted line on a contract that puts money on the line. Every bride wants to feel as if she is getting a good deal on the products and services that she needs for her wedding day. After all, weddings are expensive!

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAYet many brides fall into some classic negotiating mistakes when contract time comes. Most first-time brides aren’t experienced negotiators and repeat brides who have done this before can go over the top trying to demonstrate knowledge and aggressiveness in negotiating.

The good news? Most wedding vendors have some things that they are willing to offer deals on, especially if the bride knows how to properly negotiate. Here are some thoughts on what not to do when negotiating for your wedding.

Don’t be unreasonable: A vendor who charges $2,000.00 for something is not going to give it to you for $1,000.00, so don’t insult him by asking.

Don’t make threats. Saying you’re going to go with another vendor if your demands aren’t met won’t result in a deal.

Don’t lie. The wedding industry is very small. Chances are the vendors you are interviewing know each other. You won’t get away with saying, “Well, so and so is charging me $1,000.00 less,” if it isn’t true. Vendors talk.

Don’t make comparisons between vendors who don’t give the same type of product or service. You wouldn’t expect to pay for a Volkswagen and get a Mercedes — the same is true for wedding vendors. Sometimes you can expect to pay more because of name and reputation, but more often you will pay more for experience and expertise.

Don’t beat around the bush with your budget. When you make your budget a secret, a vendor may propose something to you that is way out of your price range. This can be aggravating to you and a waste of time for her. A good wedding vendor will give you suggestions on how you can use her services while staying within your budget, or she will simply tell you that the two of you aren’t a good match. She might even make helpful suggestions on another vendor who might be better for you.

Don’t just ask for discounts. Vendors who don’t give money off may have some items that he can give you to beef up the package for which you are paying full price. Some examples are overtime, dessert, additional bar time, extra prints, a toss bouquet and thank-you notes.

When it comes to negotiating, you need to remember the old adage; “You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.” Most wedding vendors will go out of their way to work with a sweet, well-mannered bride. Transforming into “Bridezilla” will more than likely get you an extra nuisance fee, or an invitation to hire someone else.

BONUS Articles: The Do’s & Do Not’s of Working Successfully with Your Wedding Vendors
Treat your Wedding Vendors with Love!
Tipping Your Wedding Vendors is a Common Courtesy
Beware of “Cheap” Wedding Vendors!
Trust Your Wedding Vendors

SusanSoutherlandCopyright 2014 Susan Southerland. Uniquely geared to service the everyday bride, Susan Southerland is one of the foremost experts in the wedding industry. Her experience includes planning thousands of weddings around the country and the world in which she carefully executes each detail with passion and precision. What challenges drives her to achieve at such a high level? Her basic philosophy that smaller budget weddings require much more creativity and original thinking to formulate unique memories and experiences.

Susan is president of Just Marry!, a full service wedding planning company with offices in Orlando, Florida. She is also the national wedding expert for Perfect Wedding Guide, where her entertaining and informative blog regularly dispenses excellent advice, ideas and photos to readers. Couples can also find a wealth of information at SusanSoutherland.com.

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Click for Larry’s Wedding Website!

Larry James is an award winning, non-denominational wedding officiant and performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere! Every wedding ceremony is customized to your complete satisfaction. Call to check availability: 480-998-9411 or Cell: 480-205-3694. Pre-maritial relationship coaching is available and not required. You will find more than 475 pages of Wedding ideas, tips (90 tips and growing), ceremonies, and more at: http://www.celebrateintimateweddings.com. Something NEW about weddings is posted every 4th day on this Wedding BLOG. Check Larry’s availability.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles, “LoveNotes” and wedding tips listed in this Wedding BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Follow Larry’s “Relationship BLOG” at: http://CelebrateLove.wordpress.com/
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