Larry James' CelebrateIntimateWeddings BLOG

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Sorry! You Can’t Come to My Wedding!

Let begin here. Adult people should know that invitations are addressed “only” to those who are invited. If the invitation says “Ms. Sally Jones,” only Sally is invited. If the invitation says “Ms. Sally Jones and Guest,” then Sally may bring a guest of her choosing. That’s the rule! Emily Post and many others have made this clear for years.

It really is wrong for an invitee to add an uninvited plus-one. That is beyond rude and is manner-less. If you ignore the problem, your continuing resentment may bubble to the surface when you see these outlaw relatives on your wedding day. It’s entirely up to you whether you say nothing or speak up, but speaking up is the right thing to do.

WEDnotInvitedWhat do you do when an uninvited guest RSVPs for the wedding you didn’t invite them to attend?

Of the many Wedding Planners I spoke with, most feel that you have every right to call those guests and simply tell them that you’re sorry if there was any confusion, but they were not invited with a guest. I would hope they would understand, but if you get some push back, stand your ground, be firm. Some people are just clueless. If space or expense are an issue you will need to tell them you’re sorry but there can be no exceptions. You have the right to graciously not accept the uninvited.

It’s important to make sure your rule (no invitation means you are not invited or no plus one or adult reception) is communicated clearly to your guests, so that no one is left wondering who is invited and who is not. On the invitation itself, the wording on the inner and outer envelopes spell out your intention. Some will put on the bottom of the invitation, “Adults Only Ceremony and Reception,” however most agree that this is improper etiquette and you should assign this task to someone in the bridal party to pass the news. For the plus 1 issue, only address the invitation to who you want to invite and on the RSVP card, consider putting, “One seat has been reserved for you” instead of how many will be attending.

Here are two suggestions from Jordan McBride. You could say:

1. “We’ve always imagined our wedding as a very small gathering of loved ones. As one of my oldest friends, I really hope you can respect that. We’re looking forward to getting to know your new boyfriend when we return from our honeymoon!”

2. “We just received your RSVP in the mail and we’re thrilled you’re coming to our wedding! Unfortunately, our budget/venue won’t accommodate children, so you’ll have to leave them home for the evening. May I help you find a sitter?”

Ariel Meadow Stallings from OffbeatBride.com says, “How you want to approach your response can depend on which angle you want to take. Whatever you do, don’t get into the specifics of how many people you’re inviting or how you’re choosing guests. Keep it vague and loving.”

Blame the budget ~ “Due to tight limitations on our budget, we’ve had to be pretty brutal in chopping down our guestlist. I’m so sad that you won’t be there with us on the day, but we look forward to catching up afterwards!” Read more responses at www.OffBeatBride.com.

What about non-responses to your wedding invitations? It is never safe to assume a guest is attending or not. People seem to have forgotten the importance of RSVPs, so the best thing to do is call or ask a friend to call and ask whether the invitee/s is/are attending or not. This precludes the awkwardness of having invited guests who haven’t responded show up and being unprepared. See more at: http://www.EtiquetteDaily.com/

Emily Post says, “Here is the last word is about RSVP – French for “Repondez s’il vous plait” or, in plain English, “Please reply.” These little letters are the not-so-secret code that you should call or write your host within a day or two of receiving an invitation to let them know if you can attend or not. All invitations have some sort of a reply mechanism – an enclosed card, a phone number, an e-mail address or a mailing address. A prompt reply is a basic courtesy.

If you feel you’ve done everything you can and you are still stressing out, assign this task to your maid or matron of honor. If you feel she may not be someone who can handle this gracefully, pass the crisis on to your wedding planner. That’s why you hired the wedding planner.

BONUS Articles: What to Include (Etiquette Wise) With Your Wedding Invitations
Répondez s’il vous plaît! – RSVP
How To Deal With Wedding Guests Who Don’t RSVP On Time
What to do When an Uninvited Guest RSVPs for the Wedding You Didn’t Invite Them to Attend?
Hiring a Wedding Planner: Why It’s a Good Idea
Sorry, I Don’t Need a Wedding Consultant… My Venue Has One!

CelebrateIntimateWeddings

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Copyright © 2014 – Larry James. This information is adapted from Larry’s Wedding Website and Wedding Blog. Larry James is a non-denominational minister and performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere! Every wedding ceremony is customized to your complete satisfaction. Call to check availability: 480-998-9411 or 800-725-9223. You will find more than 475 pages of Wedding ideas, tips (90 tips and growing), ceremonies, and more at: http://www.celebrateintimateweddings.com. Check Larry’s availability.

comment2Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles, “LoveNotes” and wedding tips listed in this Wedding BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Monday, February 10, 2014

How To Deal With Wedding Guests Who Don’t RSVP On Time

Filed under: RSVP — Larry James @ 7:30 am
Tags: , ,

Anna Post, Guest Author

RSVP

“Necessary? No. But I think you’ve answered your own question: You don’t want surprises. Unfortunately, some people do just show up, thinking it isn’t a big deal, when in fact it can cause a huge amount of stress, distraction and annoyance on a day when those are the last things you want to experience.

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WedEtiquette

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So that means you need to make some phone calls. There’s a good plan of attack for this, but first, a word on fairness. This isn’t fair – you have put a lot of effort and expense into planning a wedding. The least a guest can do is acknowledge your desire to include them with a yes or no (there’s even a convenient little form with check boxes! And a self-addressed, stamped envelope!)

If this is the position you find yourself in, you might want to take a moment and think about the big picture: There’s a reason you invited this person in the first place, and presumably you still want them to share in your Big Day. Letting annoyance drip from your voice when you call – even though they are in the wrong – won’t do much good.

After you’ve squared away any frustration, start making calls about a week before you need to give your numbers to the caterer and/or venue. (Note: It’s smart to set the RSVP date a week or two prior to this deadline.) This is a great time to enlist any offers of help from close friends, family and members of the wedding party to help you make calls. Remember that this is not required duty – it’s a favor.

When you call, start by giving your errant guest the benefit of the doubt: ‘I wanted to be sure you received our invitation. I need to give final numbers to my caterer on Friday, and wanted to know if you’ll be able to attend. We hope you can! Thanks.’ If you are worried this won’t cover it, you can always add, “I won’t be able to change the numbers after this.”

There’s no need for lengthy explanations – ‘numbers to the caterer’ in a wedding setting is about as clear as it gets. And, if someone does roll in on the wedding day who never replied, save any lecture on inconvenience for a later date. Delegate someone else to alert the caterers and squeeze them in – and hopefully it won’t be at the kids’ table.”

Larry’s NOTE: Some brides assign the task of calling guests to the maid of honor or someone in the bridal party. However, most say it’s more effective when the bride calls.

BONUS Articles: Received Few RSVPs for Your Wedding?
Répondez s’il vous plaît! – RSVP

Copyright © 2014 – Anna Post. Anna Post is the great-great-granddaughter of etiquette guru Emily Post and author of Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette

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CelebrateIntimateWeddings

Click logo to go to Wedding Website!

Larry James is a non-denominational minister and performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere! Every wedding ceremony is customized to your complete satisfaction. Call to check availability: 480-998-9411 or 800-725-9223. You will find more than 475 pages of Wedding ideas, tips (90 tips and growing), ceremonies, and more at: http://www.celebrateintimateweddings.com. Check Larry’s availability.

comment2Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles, “LoveNotes” and wedding tips listed in this Wedding BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Sunday, November 10, 2013

Received Few RSVPs for Your Wedding?

Filed under: RSVP,Wedding Tips — Larry James @ 8:30 am
Tags: ,

Jennifer Nichole, Guest Author

Other than just being generally annoying, lack of RSVPs could mean that your guests won’t have enough food, tables or chairs to go around at the reception. If you’ve only heard crickets on the RSVP front, these are some reasons why.

RSVP1. You didn’t make it easy. Don’t just write “Please RSVP” in the invitation and hope for the best. The fewer obstacles people have, the higher the chance they’ll respond. Include an RSVP card in each invitation. Even better, include a pre-paid envelope as well.

2. You didn’t give multiple ways to respond. In this day and age, more people are living and working digitally. Do your guests a favor and give them info on RSVPing to your Facebook account, in addition to snail mail.

3. You didn’t give a deadline. It’s an easy mistake, but a costly one. Before you finalize your invitation designs, make sure you give a deadline for RSVPing. Set it for at least three weeks before your wedding.

4. You didn’t ask for a declined invite. Some brides say to RSVP only if you’re coming, but this can cause a problem. What if the guest just forgot to send it along? Instead, ask guests to respond with their answer, whether “yes” or “no.”

5. You didn’t follow up. It’s three weeks until your wedding and you still haven’t heard from everyone. Time to make some phone calls! As prepared as you can be and as clear as your invitations are, you’ll still probably end up with people who don’t respond. Call them and ask for a final answer. If you don’t have the time, ask a bridesmaid to do it.

Now that you know where you could go wrong, plan out your RSVP process ahead of time so you have accurate guest talleys on your big day.

jenniferCopyright © 2013 – Jennifer Nichole. Jannifer strives to help every bride and groom prepare for their special day. It’s her belief that the little things – a favor, a gesture, a simple thought put into action – speak volumes in all the special occasions of your lives. See more at: http://blog.MyWeddingFavors.com

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CLoveLOGOLarry James is a professional speaker, author, relationship coach and an award winning nondenominational Wedding Officiant. He performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere. Something NEW about relationships is posted every 4th day on this Relationships BLOG.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles and “LoveNotes” listed in this BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Saturday, April 24, 2010

Répondez s’il vous plaît! – RSVP

Filed under: RSVP,Wedding Etiquette — Larry James @ 6:00 am
Tags: , ,

RSVP. Fr. Abr. Répondez s’il vous plaît!. Literally, “respond if you please.” Often included in wedding invitations, and when included, etiquette demands a response.

RSVPWedding rules typically state that you should be clear in both language and meaning about times, locations, attire, activities, directions or anything else that may or may not be involved in your special day.

Be sure to send out invitations well enough in advance of your bridal shower or wedding for your pending guests to plan accordingly. A rule of thumb says you should order your invitations, etc., at least 4 to 6 weeks before they’re scheduled to be mailed. Mail your invitations at least 6 weeks before the wedding date, and ask for a response at least three weeks before the wedding date.

It’s a good idea to order at least 25 more invitations and envelopes than you think you will need. Why? Because it’s much more expensive to re-order than to order more than you need at the beginning and to cover mistakes in addressing, re-mailing to a current address, etc.

replycardMost wedding invitations have a reply (RSVP) card included. Brides often have a problem on her hands when an occasional reply card is sent back with no names filled in.

Here’s a little tip which will ensure that you avoid this problem all together. Place a small, inconspicuous number on the back of each reply card before enclosing it with the invitation. Use a list to record each guest’s name along with the number on the reply card you are enclosing for them. If someone forgets to fill in their name, a quick glance at your list will tell you precisely who the reply card belongs to.

If you don’t receive a reply from some guests by your reply date deadline, don’t hesitate to call them. An accurate count is vital for food preparation, seating arrangements and other accommodations.

It’s estimated that about 7% to 10% of the guests who respond with a “yes” won’t actually show up at the wedding. In addition, another 20% to 30% won’t make it to or stay for the reception. You may want to have a line to check for “Attending the wedding” and another for “Staying for the reception.” This can wreak havoc when budgeting for a sit-down dinner. You might want to consider a buffet-style dinner instead.

By the way, it’s considered improper etiquette to put registry information on your wedding invitation. Assign this task to friends and family and have them inform everyone. Read, “Honeymoon Gift Registry

Check out Travelers Joy Honeymoon Registry.

Copyright © 2010 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s Wedding Website. Larry James is a non-denominational minister and performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere! Every wedding ceremony is customized to your complete satisfaction. Call to check availability: 480-998-9411 or 800-725-9223. You will find more than 445 pages of Wedding ideas, tips (95 tips and growing), ceremonies, and more at: http://www.celebrateintimateweddings.com. Check Larry’s availability.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles, “LoveNotes” and wedding tips listed in this Wedding BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

Add Larry James to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Relationship BLOG” at: http://CelebrateLove.wordpress.com/
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

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