Larry James' CelebrateIntimateWeddings BLOG

Saturday, July 11, 2015

48 Things Every Man Should Know

Larry’s NOTE: I got it, gals. Although this article has nothing to do with weddings, (Hint for the brides), perhaps this might be just the thing to get him to this wedding blog… where he can discover several other things that the groom could do to actually be a part of the planning process. “How to Hold a Baby” could be one, but I’m getting ahead of myself. Give him a kiss on the cheek and – whispering in his ear – ask him to read the “BONUS Articles” at the end of the article. 😉

Ryan Kaiser, Guest Author

WED48ThingsDudes. Guys. MEN. When it comes to the male gender, there are certain things all guys simply must know. Whether its for your own personal safety, in case of emergencies (that may or may not be bear attack related), to not look like an idiot in public, for the benefit of the people in your life, or just for your own betterment, taking a moment to learn the secrets on this list of things all men should know is essential.

So you’ve got a Y chromosome. Now what? What should every guy know how to do? What are the things every man should know? From building fires to tying your tie, if you’re a man, the things on this list are essentials for being the best, most manly man you can be. But it’s not all beer and sports.

Men should also know how to hold a baby and sew on a button. Do you know which fork to use at a fancy dinner? Stop embarrassing your dates and take the time to learn.

There are things everyone should know, but this list is full of advice for MEN, with tips, tricks, and basic information all male humans should know. So get in touch with your inner Ron Swanson, and read through the list below to make sure you know how to escape zip ties and shine your shoes. You just never know when this advice will come in handy.

Have you ever thought to yourself, “Hey, I’m a guy. Aren’t there specific things I should know?” The answer is yes! This list of things men should know is your starting place. Man up and read. Click here!

BONUS Articles: Brides Want Grooms to Be More Involved in Planning the Wedding!
Grooming the Groom! Staying on Track for the Big Day!
Grooms… Listen up!
Listen Up Guys! – Planning a Wedding is a Team Sport!
Hey Guy! Getting Married? – Don’t Be Clueless!
Here Comes the Groom! – A Call to ACTIVE Duty!

Copyright © 2015 – Ryan Kaiser. More of Ryan here!

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Click for Larry’s Wedding Website!

Larry James is an award winning, non-denominational wedding officiant and performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere! Every wedding ceremony is customized to your complete satisfaction. Call to check availability: Cell: 480-205-3694. Pre-maritial relationship coaching is available and not required. You will find more than 475 pages of Wedding ideas, tips (90 tips and growing), ceremonies, and more at: http://www.celebrateintimateweddings.com. Something NEW about weddings is posted every 4th day on this Wedding BLOG. Check Larry’s availability.

the-archives2Click for Archives! ~ commentSubscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateLove.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateLove.com and CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles, “LoveNotes” and wedding tips listed in this Wedding BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Follow Larry’s “Relationship BLOG” at: http://CelebrateLove.wordpress.com/
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Lots of Wedding Ideas on: Larry’s Pinterest Page

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Saturday, July 13, 2013

Till Death Do Us Part???

I really hate to be the bearer of bad news… but “till death do us part” isn’t working very well, at least in Arizona.

Arizona is one of 14 states where divorce rates are higher than the national average, according to the U.S. Census Bureau report, which used data from the 2009 American Community Survey. The Census Bureau found that divorce declined noticeably around the country between 2008 and 2009, but not necessarily in Arizona and there was no explanation for it.

neverrushWhen I began performing wedding ceremonies in 2002 one of the first things I did was to take out the words, “till death do us part” from the wedding ceremony. Not because of divorce stats, but because I felt there was a much better way to say the same thing differently. Those words are usually in the wedding vows that the bride and groom repeat to each other. I substituted the words with, “I say these words because I love you and choose to live the rest of my life with you.” Many ceremonies do not have a place in the ceremony where the bride and groom say, “I love you” to each other unless they write those words in. The words I added accomplishes both things… “I love you” and “choose to live the rest of my life with you.” Talking about death in a celebration of Love just doesn’t seem right to me.

It’s sad that many couples have no idea what it really takes to have a healthy relationship that lasts. Although it is not required, I always suggest that it’s a good idea to get a premarital “tune-up” before they tie the knot by getting relationship coaching. I also encourage them to consider the “potential” of coaching especially if one of the partners isn’t really in favor of coaching.

I can tell them what they might accomplish if they work together, but they both have to look forward to and have a “belief” in the potential that comes from that accomplishment. When that happens, the often begin to feel a closer connection and think of reasons why the relationship will work. When a couple is deep in the mire of discomfort, it is often not easy to think about the potential of the relationship. If they can understand the how they might feel toward each other if that discomfort is gone, they often will begin to do the work necessary to get their act together.

I say all that to say this… forget about “till death do us part” and focus on the present moment – moment by moment, day by day, week by week, etc. Relationships – the ones that last – takes a mutual intention to the type of commitment that has couples do “whatever it takes” to make them work and last! In other words, a mutual focus on the relationship – making the relationship a top priority.

It’s not going into the marriage hoping it will work, but knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that both partners are ready for marriage and committed to settling down and dealing with the little things as well as the big things that often show up when two people get together. Remember, women and men are different. It’s important to learn about those differences “before” marriage, otherwise you are in for a few surprises. Adapt. That’s a word that hopefully will help.

Jumping into marriage hoping your partner will change after marriage is a plan destined to fail. Life doesn’t work that way.

It worries me when talking with couples about their wedding and I ask, “How long have you been together?” and they say 4 months or 6 months or even a year. STOP! Think! Is that really enough time to get to know each other? It’s doubtful.

Dr. Karen Sherman, MFT, NCC, PhD, offers a few questions that you should discuss before the wedding. Honestly communicating the answers to these questions will assist you in getting to know each other better.

• Will you have kids and, if so, how will you raise them?
• Will they be raised under one religion?
• How do you expect to discipline them?
• How will you manage your finances?
• What individual assets and debts will you bring to the marriage?
• Who will pay the bills?
• Will you have a savings plan?
communicate2• How will you save?
• How will you spend free time?
• How do you expect to spend it – together or individually?
• Will you still have time with friends that doesn’t include each other?
• Do you have expectations about sex?
• How often will you have sex?
• When is a good time?
• How will you keep your sex life from getting boring?
• How will you share sexual fantasies and desires?
• Do you have any boundaries when it comes to intimacy?
• How will you divvy up chores?
• If your spouse cooks dinner, are you expected to clean the dishes, pots and pans?
• Who will keep up with the maintenance around the house?
• Who will mow the lawn or take out the trash?
• What can you do to openly communicate?
• How can you make sure that you keep your communication as good as it is now?
• How will you make sure to handle your conflicts appropriately?
• Will you check in with each other at the end of the day or once a week?
• What can you do as an individual to make sure that you keep the health of your marriage a priority?
• Do you have any annoyances?
• What annoys you?
• What annoys your spouse-to-be?
• How will you let each other know when certain habits or behaviors bother you?
• How is it best to tell the other person about things regarding family that are upsetting?
• If the relationship is needing help, will you be brave enough to ask for help?
• and the list goes on!

One question I would add is, “Ask yourself why. Why this person, why right now?”

You cannot be a commitment-phobe. Acceptance. Another important word. Learn to accept the little annoyances.

A relationship is something that must be worked on all the time, not only when it’s broken and needs to be fixed. It’s making darn sure each partner is doing what it takes to be committed to making it work. It’s not easy. But then nothing worth while is seldom easy.

AND… if you are having issues, never be afraid to ask for help. Asking for help is not a weakness. Asking for help demonstrates a need to make the relationship one you can be proud to be in.

Larry’s NOTE: Every bride and groom I marry receives a “Relationship Coaching Certificate” ($120 Value) good for one hour of free coaching anytime after the wedding ceremony.

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Click for Larry’s Wedding Website!

Copyright © 2013 – Larry James. Larry James is an award winning, non-denominational wedding officiant and performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere! Every wedding ceremony is customized to your complete satisfaction. Call to check availability: 480-998-9411 or Cell: 480-205-3694. Pre-maritial relationship coaching is available and not required. You will find more than 475 pages of Wedding ideas, tips (96 tips and growing), ceremonies, and more at: http://www.celebrateintimateweddings.com. Something NEW about weddings is posted every 4th day on this Wedding BLOG. Check Larry’s availability.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles, “LoveNotes” and wedding tips listed in this Wedding BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Relationship BLOG” at: http://CelebrateLove.wordpress.com/
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Authors & Speakers” BLOG at: http://AuthorsandSpeakersNetwork.wordpress.com

Monday, September 24, 2012

Don’t Get Married…

Filed under: Marriage Tips!,Personal Growth,Relationship Tips — Larry James @ 7:00 am

Here are a few good reasons to NOT get married and a few things that you can expect to change if you do.

Don’t get married if one of your highest priorities is to change your partner. That will not work! People change because they want to not because someone else wants them to.

Don’t get married if YOU are not willing to make some changes in your behavior. Some people have a difficult time adjusting to married life when they have been single so long. Others think that they can continue going out with the guys or going out with the gals after they are married. Having friends is encouraged outside of your marriage, however doing the same rowdy things you used to do as singles seldom fits the new lifestyle of newly married couples.

Special note to guys & gals: Settling down with one woman/man eliminates the wide selection of women/men and the thrill of the chase. Leave your ex boyfriends and girlfriends alone. There are no “hall passes” in marriage. You shouldn’t take chances when another person’s life, money, health, and future are in your hands.

Don’t get married if you are not willing to make your relationship the highest priority that you both work on.

Don’t get married yet if the fear of living with someone for the rest of your life is present. OR if you fear that your significant other turn from a Dr. Jekyll to a Mr. Hyde shortly after the chime of the wedding bells? It would be better if you postpone the wedding for awhile until you get to the real issue of what causes this fear. Wedding day jitters is an expensive angst that can be avoided. One of the challenges that I work with when coaching newly married couples is that now that they are married they often stop sending the romantic greeting cards or doing the things that brought them together in the first place. They begin taking each other for granted and suddenly they are again two singles living in the same house. That is NEVER a good idea.

“Relationships are something that must be worked on all the time, not only when they are broken and need to be fixed.” ~ Larry James

Don’t get married if you think a getting married is a license to to belch and fart more openly after getting married.

Don’t get married if the only reason is that you are tired of the dating scene.

Don’t get married if the only reason is that you think that you should get married. There is no shame in being single.

Don’t get married yet if you are so focused on your career that is has become an obsession. Your partner would be a better obsession.

Don’t get married yet if you can’t afford it. Getting married is often very costly. On average, couples that live in Maricopa, AZ (County) spend between $19,175 and $31,959 on their wedding. Make a plan to save the money while you are single. It’s considered okay to ask your guests for money if this is your second marriage and you don’t want to end up with 3 coffee makers, etc. Scale down your wedding celebration. Consider a quick wedding with a few special friends and family and have a big celebration when you can afford it. Nearly 90% of all divorces in the first 7 years are caused by money problems (usually a lack of it)! Marriage is expensive, but so is divorce.

eldercouplehavingfunDon’t get married just because you need health insurance. Marriage is much more than that.

“What really changes when you get married? People will stop asking you when you are getting married and start asking when you’ll start having kids!” ~ Larry James

Don’t get married if you are selfish. If you’ve been single for a long time you may find yourself doing what you want to do when you want to do it. That has got to change.

The true enemy of love is not hate, but selfishness.” ~ Brother Tyson Moore of Crenshaw Church of Christ in Los Angeles

Don’t get married yet if you feel you will loose the spontaneity you enjoyed as a single. Married people have a diluted and compromised idea of spontaneity. It doesn’t have to be that way. Yes, you do have a partner now to be spontaneous with, however when you are willing to compromise you will find that if your partner want to do something quickly, you may want to make an agreement that next time we can do what you want to do. You picked the activity last week, he gets to pick it this week.

Don’t get married if you are afraid your marriage will fail. Some do, it’s true, however when two people really love each other and will each hold each other to the promise of doing everything possible to make it work… it can work. Relationship coaching is a great idea. Some do it for preventative maintenance. Those couples are called very wise.

Don’t get married if you think that if marriage doesn’t work out for you, you can always get a divorce. While that is true, going into a marriage with that attitude is setting yourself up for disappointment.

Don’t get married if the only reason is you want children. When children come along, things really change. Everything you do revolves around your baby. Some husbands get jealous of the time the baby takes their wives, time which they can’t devote to them any longer. Seeking a balance in the relationship must be a priority. Agreements must be made BEFORE you get married. Do you want children? Who shops for groceries? Do you want pets? Who will take care of them? If you both are of different religions, which Church (Temple, Synagogue, Mosque, etc.) will your children attend?

Don’t get married if you’re lonely and think getting married will “fix” your life. It won’t! You must learn to love yourself first! It is not possible to give love to your partner if you don’t have love for yourself. I repeat: do not get married if you’re lonely and think getting married will “fix” your life.

Marriage is more that just being in love or loving someone. Love is not enough. Marriage means you’re keeping the best interests of two people in mind during every decision. It’s sharing the TV remote. It’s having respect for your partner and doing the little things that will make life better for both of you. Respect is the most important part of a relationship, because no matter how much you love each other, life throws surprises at you, and it’s important that you make decisions together. You get to start posting photos of what you made for dinner on Facebook. You get to share the housework. You get to accept responsibility for who you are being in the relationship. Marriage is a big commitment and saying that you want to spend your entire life with someone is often scary. A successful marriage is hard work. You must learn to laugh a lot. Sometimes at yourself!

“List five things you don’t like about your intended. Then decide whether or not you can live with these things in the long term. If you can’t think of five things, then you either don’t know your partner well enough, or you are not paying close enough attention. If you can identify five things, but you expect them to get better once you say ‘I do,’ you don’t understand marriage well enough to get involved.” —Judge Lynn Toler of Divorce Court, author of My Mother’s Rules: A Practical Guide to Becoming an Emotional Genius

When you get married you can’t do everything the way you always did. You have to learn to give and take. Your partner becomes the mirror in which you see yourself. There will be times when you may feel unloved. This is when having an agreement to have no undelivered communication will come to the rescue. Have an agreement (this is important!) to talk about anything and everything, all the time… and in the most loving way you can muster. You get to remember important dates, like birthdays, anniversaries, etc. They are part of being married. Always remember, when you fell in love, you chose each other. Also remember that there may be times when you need to choose each other all over again. You need to know that marriage is a choice you have to make every day.

CoupleCuddling“Hey gals, if you are going to bitch, bitch to his mother, not yours. His mother will forgive him. Yours never will.” ~ Lydia Netzer

Keep the intimacy in your relationship alive! This sense of closeness offers a kind of communication that goes far beyond words. The road to intimacy is paved with empathy. Get really good at making love. You should make it your life’s mission to become the perfect sex machine for your partner. It makes “everything” so much better. Sex is fun and pleasure is good for you. Kiss and cuddle often. Do spoons without making love. Make sure you and your partner are both on the same page when it comes to making love. Anyone can have sex. Making Love is special.

It’s important to remind yourself every day why you love your spouse, and be aware of what you really want out of your marriage. When problems do occur it will help you both when you know why you love your partner. A marriage based on friendship allows you to be the true person that you are. You must learn the important skill of really listening to your partner. Always make important decisions together. Be your partner’s cheerleader, not critic!

And finally, the core reason for getting married should be because you are deeply in love and want to grow old together, for better or worse. And you make each other a promise to always be awake in your relationship to times when there are lingering differences or growing distance so you can both work quickly to find workable solutions.

Opps! Oh, yes… one more finally, always remember: There is nothing that cannot be forgiven!

BONUS Articles: Forgiveness… What’s it For?
$$ Saving Wedding Tip
Beware of “Cheap” Wedding Vendors!
More articles about budgeting a wedding – Budget (11)

Photo credit: Older couple on the beach – Corbis Corporation

Copyright © 2012 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s “romantic” Wedding Website. Larry James is an award winning, non-denominational wedding officiant and performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere! Every wedding ceremony is customized to your complete satisfaction. Call to check availability: 480-998-9411 or Cell: 480-205-3694. Pre-maritial relationship coaching is available and not required. You will find more than 470 pages of Wedding ideas, tips (90 tips and growing), ceremonies, and more at: http://www.celebrateintimateweddings.com. Something NEW about weddings is posted every 4th day on this Wedding BLOG. Check Larry’s availability.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles, “LoveNotes” and wedding tips listed in this Wedding BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Relationship BLOG” at: http://CelebrateLove.wordpress.com/
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Authors & Speakers” BLOG at: http://AuthorsandSpeakersNetwork.wordpress.com

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