Larry James' CelebrateIntimateWeddings BLOG

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

So, You’re a Bridesmaid… What Now?

Being asked to be a Maid of Honor or Matron of Honor is truly an honor. The list of duties are long. You are the Chief Ring-leader. You were chosen because of your energetic, get-the-ball-in-motion and get-the-job-done qualities, to say nothing of your close friendship with the bride.

Being a bridesmaid is not something one should enter into lightly. The commitment is fierce and obligations many. Bridesmaids are usually close friends or family members to the bride and typically play a vital role on the day of the wedding. Bridesmaids must be a dependable group of ladies consisting of the bride’s closest friends and/or family. Negative, needy dramatic types need not apply. Bridesmaids have a strong supportive role they must play during the entire wedding experience.

BridesmaidSome girls find that they cannot meet the needs and demands of the bride. If you feel that you cannot do everything that is necessary for the bride to have the best day ever… you should decline rather than quit two weeks before the wedding because the stress was too much for you. There is no joy or fun in being a bridesmaid if you don’t enjoy what you are doing. Bridesmaid’s duties can be fun filled and enjoyable as long as everyone involved has a sense of humor and you all remain calm during the stressful periods.

“Attempting to back out for any reason other than an economic, health, or family crisis beyond your control is a risky move and generally not advised. Communicate any concerns to the couple, and things will usually work themselves out.” Emily Post

If you find that you are unable to carry out the duties of a bridesmaid, suggest to the bride some other duty that will still have you be a part of the wedding, e.g., guestbook attendant, addressing invitations, do a reading, gift attendant, be a “go-to girl,” bring food and drinks to the head table, etc.

Bridesmaid duties come in all forms and fashions. Many important bridesmaid duties involve keeping the bride comfortable, emotionally and physically. Duties of the bridesmaids include, but are limited to:

• Part of your responsibilities are to know your responsibilities. Have a one-on-one with the bride
• Assists Maid of Honor however they can
• Helps Maid of Honor plan and pay for the bridal shower and bachelorette party
• Help the bride with the planning of the wedding
• Greets guests at the reception and encourage mingling
• Purchases their own attire, transportation, and accessories
• Attends the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner
• Assists the Maid of Honor in helping everyone get on the dance floor
• Assist the other bridesmaids on where to go and timing, especially if they show up late
• Organizing a bachelorette Party or a STEN do Party
• Assisting the bride in making decisions regarding her wedding decorations, invitations and reception menu.
• Visiting Bridesmaid’s stores to find a bridesmaids gown. Bridesmaids must remember that this is the bride’s special day and therefore she ultimately does make the final decision on the gown style
• Give an individual wedding gift to the couple, or contribute to a group gift from all the attendants
• Pay attention! This is the bridesmaid’s biggest task, yet sometimes the most ambiguous. Be a hands-on attendant, and errand runner and more. If you see something that needs to be done… do it!
• Provide moral support and be a great listener throughout the process since it is a very wonderful and “positively” stressful time for your friend
• Ask if the bride needs anything (food, water, etc), all the way up until the time she is walking down the aisle
• Last but not least, one of your bridesmaid duties is to remain and pick up flower petals and be involved in the not-so-fun part – cleanup!

In other words… be there for the bride! The duties a bridesmaid must perform on the wedding day are essential in ensuring that the bride has a relaxed and fun filled day. Whatever feelings the bride may be displaying on the day, the bridesmaid’s should be aware that she will be very emotional and she will need emotional support from her closest friends. And what do you get for being a bridesmaid? You get to enjoy the glow of an appreciative bride whose wedding was made all the more special from your unique input.

The Expenses of a Bridesmaid ~ There is a considerable expense involved in being a bridesmaid, including cost of apparel, travel and hotel room for the ceremony, hosting a party, as well as a shower gift and a wedding gift. A bridesmaid can save money by asking others to pitch in for the showers, wearing a dress she already owns (if that’s okay with the bride), making her own dress, and staying with friends. She can give her friend the gift of time – i.e., the gift of addressing and stuffing the invitations. Also, a bride may pay for some of the expenses if her budget allows it.” ~ Nina Callaway

BONUS Article: 6 Things Bridesmaids Do That Really Annoy the Bride
Brides! Should You Fire Your Bridesmaid?
Always for Bridesmaids – Some Dos and Don’ts!
Inside Weddings: The Wedding Party

CelebrateIntimateWeddings

Click logo to go to Wedding Website!

Copyright © 2014 – Larry James. This information is adapted from Larry’s Wedding Website and Wedding Blog. Larry James is a non-denominational minister and performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere! Every wedding ceremony is customized to your complete satisfaction. Call to check availability: 480-998-9411 or 800-725-9223. You will find more than 475 pages of Wedding ideas, tips (90 tips and growing), ceremonies, and more at: http://www.celebrateintimateweddings.com. Check Larry’s availability.

comment2Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles, “LoveNotes” and wedding tips listed in this Wedding BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Monday, September 22, 2014

Being a Maid of Honor is More Than Fluffing the Train!

If you have been honored by being chosen to be the Maid of Honor or Matron of Honor at your friends wedding it’s important for you to know that you were chosen because of your energetic, get-the-ball-in-motion and get-the-job-done qualities, to say nothing of your close friendship with the bride. You were also chosen because you are a good listener – especially to the wants and needs of the bride. You will be the VIP of the bridal party. She needs a leader. Someone who will be responsible for your own duties and those of the bridesmaids.

IMPORTANT: A lot is expected of you from the time you are asked to serve and until after the wedding. You and the bride will talk about the wedding almost every day. It’s a big job. You will need to be a constant part of the process. You will be her support system during the bride’s entire engagement. She will ask your opinion and when she does, give it, but never try to control things. Being a bride’s maid or matron of honor is a distinction many women cherish. But it doesn’t come cheap. Make sure that you have the finances, the time and limitless patience.

maidofhonorDUTIESMany bridesmaids are left torn between maintaining a friendship and breaking the bank. There is tremendous pressure for everything to go smoothly. Be familiar with your duties. Study them. Make notes. By knowing your duties and preparing ahead of time, making sure you have plenty of written schedules, checklists, and maps to guide you, you can remain calm and collected. If you are not up to it… politely decline the position and offer to be a bridesmaid instead. It’s okay to say no!

Besides fluffing the train, your duties extend way beyond walking down the aisle, holding the bride’s bouquet during the ceremony, bustling the dress and giving a tear-inducing toast at the reception. It can be a terrific opportunity to help the bride enjoy a enjoyable, stress-free day, creating a happy memory that will last a lifetime.

You will carry breath mints and bobby pins and anything else requested. You will have to stick by the Bride’s side – especially on the big day – like super glue and be willing to do whatever it takes for her to be comfortable and to feel taken care of. You will also be in charge of the clean-up crew including making sure the cards and gifts are delivered per the bride’s instructions.

MOHHandbook

Click Book for Info!

Be creative. Get input from the bridesmaids. Think of interesting ways you can be helpful to the bride, however, do only the things you are asked to do, and ask before you do anything she hasn’t requested.

When the bride has help from family members, the groom or lots of bridesmaids who want to pitch in, the maid of honor’s responsibilities could be lessened. If you notice that a bridesmaid is beginning to gossip or complain, talk privately to her and never let it turn into a bigger problem. Remind her that she’s being honored by being named a bridesmaid, and part of that honor is being nice to the other bridesmaids.

“The maid of honor’s role isn’t gender-specific anymore. Honor attendants can be men as well as women, and it isn’t unheard of to have more than one honor attendant sharing the privilege of serving as the bride’s trusted confidante and aide. Actually, this is a great way to split the labor and bestow the honor on more than one trusted friend or relative.” ~ HowStuffWorks.com

And finally, serve with distinction! If other commitments prevent you from giving the Bride the attention she deserves, you may be a better candidate for a Bridesmaid.

MaidOfHonorDUTIES

BONUS Articles: Serving Her Majesty the Bride: To Be a Maid of Honor… or Not
Maid of Honor Duties
12 Things the Maid of Honor Can’t Forget to Do the Morning of the Wedding
5 Secrets to Being an Awesome Bridesmaid
Q & A – Can I Remove a Bridesmaid from the Wedding Party?

CelebrateIntimateWeddings

Click logo to go to Wedding Website!

Copyright © 2014 – Larry James. This information is adapted from Larry’s Wedding Website and Wedding Blog. Larry James is a non-denominational minister and performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere! Every wedding ceremony is customized to your complete satisfaction. Call to check availability: 480-998-9411 or 800-725-9223. You will find more than 475 pages of Wedding ideas, tips (90 tips and growing), ceremonies, and more at: http://www.celebrateintimateweddings.com. Check Larry’s availability.

comment2Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles, “LoveNotes” and wedding tips listed in this Wedding BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

Add Larry James to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Friday, March 18, 2011

Q & A – Can I Remove a Bridesmaid from the Wedding Party?

Filed under: Maid/Matron of Honor,The Maid of Honor,Wedding Attendants — Larry James @ 7:00 am
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Linda Kevick, Guest Author

Q. I asked a friend to be in my wedding and now I regret it. I asked my bridesmaids too soon and I am left with one that I am not comfortable with anymore. We aren’t very good friends, in fact we are closer to acquaintances. I had asked her as just an off-handed comment, but when she later asked me to be in hers, which I know was to return the favor, I then felt I had to keep her in – even though my offer was completely non-committal. So am I in essence “stuck” with her or can I ask a closer friend to be in her place? This woman lives three hours away and we very rarely have contact. – Rachel N.

bridebridesmaidfightA. There is no question that you are in a very tough, un-enviable spot – and you are certainly not alone. This is a common problem encountered by brides-to-be. It is the very reason that I always urge couples to think very carefully before asking anyone to be a member of the wedding party, rather than spontaneously rushing into decisions. I generally suggest that people wait until the point that they have begun the actual wedding planning process before asking attendants, as so much can change with the passage of a little bit of time.

There’s no question that it’s best to avoid getting into these situations in the first place – because once they arise there is no easy way out, and it does become a sticky mess. Unfortunately, however, as in this case, sometimes that advice comes too late and suddenly you find yourself in the very position you are in now.

Without a doubt, your wedding will probably be the single most important day in your life, and it is so important to surround yourself on that day of all days with people who really matter; the type you know will likely be around for a long time to come. When you look back at your wedding pictures ten years from now, will the people you see in your photos still be a meaningful part of your life?

Will you even know where to find them? If you can’t answer yes to these questions, you may be choosing the wrong people.

However, the problem is that you did ask this girl, and unfortunately you may now have to live with that decision. To remove her or ask her to step down could be a very hurtful thing to do and therefore is absolutely not advisable. It is so important to project good manners, graciousness, and kindness of heart at all times surrounding an event like one’s wedding. To behave any other way is unbecoming of a bride.

crying_brideThe only time it is justifiable to remove someone from a wedding party is when there has been a serious falling out with that individual, when the individual has shown a blatant disregard for their role in the wedding, or has behaved extremely offensively or hurtful to you or other members of the wedding party. Since you’ve mentioned nothing of the sort, I’m assuming this is not the case in your situation. From what you’ve said, it sounds much more like a spontaneous, spur of the moment thing, where unfortunately you spoke before you had the chance to clearly think the matter through. It was an innocent mistake, but one which you may have no choice now but to live with – if you are going to do the right thing. And, it appears obvious to me that you do have great concern for doing the right thing, as evidenced by the fact that you took the time to submit this question.

However, it is not game over yet. As I said earlier, it is very important to have people in the wedding party who have great meaning to you, and so, with regards to the other young lady you now feel you would have preferred to ask, there is no reason why she cannot still be added. If you are worried about having an unequal number of bridesmaids to groomsmen, this need not be a concern. Today, this is being done frequently in wedding parties. All it may mean, in this case, is that one lucky groomsmen will have the privilege of escorting two ladies – a lady on each arm – instead of just one! (The guy will love this!). It can, in fact, be quite charming and delightfully refreshing in the eyes of your guests! Perhaps the very thing to make your wedding stand out in their minds as being a little more memorable! At the same time it can provide a very workable solution to your dilemma whereby everyone is happy, everyone gets what they want, and no one gets hurt.

So, you can still work with the situation, you see? The main thing is to ensure that you do nothing to make the young lady feel uncomfortable, unwanted, or unwelcome – even if it means applying extra special effort and going out of your way to ensure this. It is not her fault that you may have spoken too soon, and therefore she cannot, and should not, be punished.

Linda KevickCopyright © 2011 – Linda Kevick. Reprinted with permission. Linda Kevich is the creator and editor of SuperWeddings.com. She has been a professional wedding consultant for the past ten years, and now teaches the business of wedding consulting through a home study program she has developed. Have a wedding question? Click here to ask the expert!

Larry James is an award winning, non-denominational wedding officiant and performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere! Every wedding ceremony is customized to your complete satisfaction. Call to check availability: 480-998-9411 or 800-725-9223. Pre-maritial relationship coaching is available and not required. You will find more than 455 pages of Wedding ideas, tips (90 tips and growing), ceremonies, and more at: http://www.celebrateintimateweddings.com. Something NEW about weddings is posted every 4th day on this Wedding BLOG. Check Larry’s availability.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles, “LoveNotes” and wedding tips listed in this Wedding BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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