Larry James' CelebrateIntimateWeddings BLOG

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Time for a Humor Break!

Filed under: Humor Break! — Larry James @ 7:00 am

e-mailA police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.

“But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.”

“Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.”

“But, officer, I just wanted to say. . .”

“And I said to keep quiet! You’re going to jail!”

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the chief’s at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a good mood when he gets back.”

“Don’t count on it,” answered the fellow in the cell. “I’m the groom.”

howworse• • • • • • • • • • • •

Although this married couple enjoyed their new fishing boat together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel operating the boat. He was concerned about what might happen in an emergency. So one day out on the lake he said to his wife, “Please take the wheel, dear. Pretend that I am having a heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore and dock it.”

So she drove the boat to shore.

Later that evening, the wife walked into the living room where her husband was watching television. She sat down next to him, switched the TV channel, and said to him, “Please go into the kitchen, dear. Pretend I’m having a heart attack and set the table, cook dinner and wash the dishes.”

• • • • • • • • • • • •

A man is at work one day, when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. The man knows his co-worker to be a conservative guy, and is curious about his sudden change in fashion sense. The man walks up and says, “I didn’t know you were into earrings.”

The co-worker responds sheepishly, “Don’t make such a big deal out of this, it’s only an earring.”

The man falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, “So how long have you been wearing one?”

The co-worker responds, “Ever since my wife found it in my truck.”

Copyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s Wedding Website. Larry James is a non-denominational minister and performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere! Every wedding ceremony is customized to your complete satisfaction. Call to check availability: 480-998-9411 or 800-725-9223. You will find more than 455 pages of Wedding ideas, tips (90 tips and growing), ceremonies, and more at: http://www.celebrateintimateweddings.com. Check Larry’s availability.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles, “LoveNotes” and wedding tips listed in this Wedding BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
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Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Video Marriage Proposal. . .

Filed under: Humor Break!,Wedding Video — Larry James @ 7:00 am

OR. . . go to: “AMAZING Genuine Marriage Proposal

Larry James is an award winning, non-denominational wedding officiant and performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere! Every wedding ceremony is customized to your complete satisfaction. Call to check availability: 480-998-9411 or 800-725-9223. You will find more than 455 pages of Wedding ideas, tips (90 tips and growing), ceremonies, and more at: http://www.celebrateintimateweddings.com. Something NEW about weddings is posted every 4th day on this Wedding BLOG. Check Larry’s availability.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles, “LoveNotes” and wedding tips listed in this Wedding BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Relationship BLOG” at: http://CelebrateLove.wordpress.com/
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
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Saturday, January 1, 2011

Time for a Humor Break!

Filed under: Humor Break!,Wedding Video — Larry James @ 7:00 am

Hmmm. Sometimes we don’t know what we have. . . until it’s gone!

Bridal Fashion Debut - Diamond Club Award 2011.lovepeace.jpgLarry James is non-denominational, an award winning wedding officiant and performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere! Every wedding ceremony is customized to your complete satisfaction. Call to check availability: 480-998-9411 or 800-725-9223. You will find more than 455 pages of Wedding ideas, tips (90 tips and growing), ceremonies, and more at: http://www.celebrateintimateweddings.com. Something NEW about weddings is posted every 4th day on this Wedding BLOG. Check Larry’s availability.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles, “LoveNotes” and wedding tips listed in this Wedding BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Relationship BLOG” at: http://CelebrateLove.wordpress.com/
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
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Saturday, October 9, 2010

Top 10 “Tacky” Wacky Weddings!

Filed under: Humor Break!,Wedding Video — Larry James @ 7:00 am

I perform my “romantic” wedding ceremony at “Theme” Weddings, but I don’t marry frogs! 😉

See more “Tacky Weddings!”

NOTE: Thank you to YesBride.com for calling this to my attention!

Larry James is a non-denominational minister and performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere! Every wedding ceremony is customized to your complete satisfaction. Call to check availability: 480-998-9411 or 800-725-9223. You will find more than 445 pages of Wedding ideas, tips (90 tips and growing), ceremonies, and more at: http://www.celebrateintimateweddings.com. Something NEW about weddings is posted every 4th day on this Wedding BLOG. Check Larry’s availability.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles, “LoveNotes” and wedding tips listed in this Wedding BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Relationship BLOG” at: http://CelebrateLove.wordpress.com/
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Sunday, December 6, 2009

S-M-I-L-E. . . A Little Wedding & Relationship Humor!

Filed under: Humor Break!,Wedding Tips — Larry James @ 8:00 am
Tags: , , ,

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer:

“Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I’m to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that part out.” He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.

It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom’s vows, the pastor looks the young man in the eye and says:

“Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?”

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, “Yes,” then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: “I thought we had a deal.”

The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom’s hand and whispered: “She made me a better offer.”

•    •    •

While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona cafe, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather to how things used to be in the “good old days”.

Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked, “Roy, aren’t you and your bride celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary soon?”

“Yup, we sure are,” Roy replied.

“Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?” another man asked.

The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied, “For our 25th anniversary, I took the missus to Tucson. For our 50th, I’m thinking about going down there again and picking her up.”

•    •    •

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:

“Are you the owner?”
The pharmacist answers “Yes.”
“We’re about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?”
“Of course we do.”
smile2“How about medicine for circulation?”
“All kinds.”
“Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis?”
“Definitely.”
“How about Viagra?”
“Of course.”
“Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, Jaundice?”
“Yes, a large variety. The works.”
“What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson’s disease?”
“Absolutely.”
“You sell wheelchairs and walkers?”
“All speeds and sizes.”
Jacob says to the pharmacist: “We’d like to register here for our wedding gifts, please.”

•    •    •

Dear John,

I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement. Won’t you forgive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart. I was such a fool. No one can take your place. I love you.

All my love,
Kelly xxxxoooxxxx

P.S. Congratulations on winning this week’s lottery.

•    •    •

A newlywed left work one Friday afternoon but, being payday, rather than going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.

Finally appearing at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Eventually, his bride stopped the nagging and simply said to him, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”

“That would be perfectly fine with me,” he replied.

Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

By Thursday, the swelling had gone down just enough to where he could see her out of the corner of his right eye.

Want more wedding & relationship jokes. . . click here!

happdayCopyright © 2009 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s Wedding Website. Larry James is a non-denominational minister and performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere! Every wedding ceremony is customized to your complete satisfaction. Call to check availability: 480-998-9411 or 800-725-9223. You will find more than 455 pages of Wedding ideas, tips (90 tips and growing), ceremonies, and more at: http://www.celebrateintimateweddings.com. Check Larry’s availability.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles, “LoveNotes” and wedding tips listed in this Wedding BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

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Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Relationship BLOG” at: http://CelebrateLove.wordpress.com/
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Add a Little Humor to Your Wedding Ceremony

I performed my “romantic” wedding ceremony for Cassandra Nelson and Marshall Grace at 4 p.m. at Trilogy Golf Club at Vistancia, Peoria, AZ on Saturday, November 7, 2009.

tinysmileyfaceTheir wedding was a “fun” wedding with a little humor to lighten things up. When the Groom took his place next to the Bride I looked at him and said, “Marshall, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say in this marriage can – and probably will – be held against you!” The guests burst into laughter. I guess the guests didn’t expect the Minister to have a sense of humor.

When I said, “If any of you can show just cause why this couple should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace” all eight of the Groomsmen produced signs that said, “Quiet Please!” and the eight Bridesmaids in unison all said, “Shusss” as if to say, “Quiet!

Another lighthearted moment came when I said, “You may now kiss the bride!” The Bride turned from the Groom while the Maiden of Honor came over to touch up her lipstick and fluff her hair while the Groom turned from the Bride and the Best Man offered him some breath freshener. At that point, the Maiden of Honor lifted a sign that said, “Applause!” Everyone applauded and laughed and then the Bride and Groom kissed.

Instead of doing the Blending of the Sands ceremony, we did a Water Ceremony. Two containers were filled with water and in the main vase there were 3 drops of blue and 3 drops of red cake coloring. When the two containers of clear water were poured into the main vase, the color of the water magically changed to a pale shade of purple to match the dresses of the Bridesmaids.

All eight Bridesmaids were barefoot with flowers on their right ankle color coordinated to match their dresses.

We also signed the Marriage License during the ceremony near the end. I do this quite regularly so the guests can watch as the Bride, Groom and two witness sign the license. That way I don’t have to try to get everyone together again immediately after the ceremony to sign the license. Often the witnesses are in a hurry to get their “social lubricant” at the bar and rounding them up again delays starting the photos.

At the very end of the ceremony I ask the guests to offer their congratulations at the reception and invite the parents to go before me so they can be with the bridal party to offer their private congratulations and be together so that pictures of the wedding party can stay on schedule.

For me, it was a refreshing change with brief bits of humor for which the guests indicated their approval and appreciation to me after the ceremony at the reception.

graceFANI thought this was a terrific idea for all the guests at Cassandra and Marshall’s wedding. A very nice fan (the weather was warm) was left on each chair before the wedding ceremony began. The photo shows one side of the fan that featured the names of the entire wedding party, and the flip side showed the bride and grooms names and the date of their wedding.

Congratulations to Mr. & Mrs. Marshall Grace!

grace

Copyright © 2009 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s Wedding Website. Larry James is a non-denominational minister and performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere! Every wedding ceremony is customized to your complete satisfaction. Call to check availability: 480-998-9411 or 800-725-9223. You will find more than 455 pages of Wedding ideas, tips (90 tips and growing), ceremonies, and more at: http://www.celebrateintimateweddings.com. Something NEW about weddings is posted every 4th day on this Wedding BLOG. Check Larry’s availability.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact: CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. – CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com

NOTE: All articles, “LoveNotes” and wedding tips listed in this Wedding BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.

letsbefriends2

Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page: http://www.Facebook.com/larry.james
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at: http://www.Twitter.com/larryjames
Follow Larry’s “Relationship BLOG” at: http://CelebrateLove.wordpress.com/
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at: http://NetworkingHQ.wordpress.com
Follow Larry’s “Authors & Speakers” BLOG at: http://AuthorsandSpeakersNetwork.wordpress.com

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