One of the secrets of keeping a marriage great is to never, ever stop dating! Do you know what kills love in marriage faster than anything else? Boredom. When we get bored with each other, it’s all too easy to start ignoring each other’s needs, taking each other for granted and to stop being kind. That is never a good way to begin a marriage.
How about making some new memories? You must never stop stirring the romantic pot. Now is not a good time to settle in. You have to keep actually doing things together… FUN things! Just because you’re married now, doesn’t mean your dating life is over. It is, in fact, just beginning! You went through the single dating phase and now it’s time for married dating.
Karl Pillerner, PhD., a Cornell University gerontologist, and author of “30 Lessons for Loving: Advice From the Wisest Americans on Love, Relationships and Marriage,” learned this secret from a 70 year-old woman, Leigh. Leigh and her husband had each been married before and agreed to treat their marriage together as a lifetime date.
What a great idea! Latch on to this idea because it is an important tool to keep love alive, exciting and interesting.
Here’s why it works: When you go on dates, you do your best to be interesting, upbeat, attractive and attentive. You try to make the person you are with feel special.
When people have been married a long time, they often begin to take each other for granted. Always remember, what you take for granted… disappears. When this happens, we don’t feel the need to make an effort, because, after all, we know they love us, so why do we need to?
What? Down deep in your heart, you know the answer to that question. You do need to. When you make an effort, you fuel the spark that makes a marriage thrive.
Another aspect of dating is that it’s exciting because it offers an element of the unknown. Married couples who try new things… take spontaneous trips… and give surprise gifts increase their odds of remaining happily married.
Treating marriage like a date doesn’t mean that there won’t be trying times. The trick is to view the difficult days of a marriage like the time between dates – not as a problem with the relationship but as an unavoidable intermission from it. Then we look forward to when we can resume the date of our lifetime.
Larry’s NOTE: A special “thank you” to Karen Larson for bringing this to my attention.
Copyright © 2015 – Karen Larson and Larry James. Karen is the Editor of Bottom Line Personal.
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