Larry James' CelebrateIntimateWeddings BLOG

Thursday, April 30, 2015

“Oh!” but you say, “I Was Only Offering Constructive Criticism.”


I hate to pop your bubble but there is no such thing as “constructive” criticism. In a healthy love relationship there is absolutely no room for what some people call constructive criticism.

The word constructive means to build up. The intent of criticism usually tears down. While it is usually well intended, it leaves the person in a mixed-up frame of mind.

NEWCIWedLOGOConstructive criticism – Those two words do not fit together at all. Criticism by its very nature is only and always destructive, not constructive. The central notion is that criticism should have the aim of constructing, or improving a situation, something which is often obstructed by hostile language or personal attacks. Constructive feedback, without the criticism can provide a helpful critique. If you must criticize, do it in the most loving way you can, but don’t call it constructive.

Try constructive compliments instead! We might call them expressions of love straight from the heart. Those words will be music to your partner’s ears. Some might call it “ear candy!”

We feel closest to people who cause us to feel good about ourselves, never those who criticize and try to mask it by calling it constructive criticism. Compliments given with sincerity are a genuine gift of love. Offer them often. Be generous with praise for your partner. Catch them doing something right! Next… let them know you noticed.

In my years of relationship coaching I have found that if one partner wants to re-imagine, re-design and re-launch their relationship they can have a profound influence upon the other partner.

ThinkB4UspeakFirst realize that your spouse may not be as frustrated and unhappy as you are and while it works much better when both partners are working on the relationship together you may need to make a commitment to yourself to be working on only changing you. Discover the things you might need to change in yourself before your partner will change. What you can do is take your eyes off your partner and put them on yourself. You have total control to change yourself, and no control to change your partner.

So… how do you give constructive criticism? You don’t!

No relationship can prosper when one partner rarely has anything good to say about or to their partner. Put-downs, disapproval, condemnation, and verbal attacks are forbidden. Silence your inner-critic! Allow words of appreciation and compliments to pass from your lips to your partner every day. The road to prosperity in relationships is paved with a commitment to generosity and appreciation toward your partner.

BONUS Articles: How To Give Constructive Criticism in 6 Steps
When Was the Last Time You Complimented Your Partner?
Get Your “But” Out of the Way
Simply the Best!


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Copyright © 2015 – Larry James. This information is adapted from Larry’s Wedding Website and Wedding Blog. Larry James is a non-denominational minister and performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere! Every wedding ceremony is customized to your complete satisfaction. Call to check availability: Cell: 480-205-3694. You will find more than 475 pages of Wedding ideas, tips (90 tips and growing), ceremonies, and more at: Check Larry’s availability.

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