Larry James' CelebrateIntimateWeddings BLOG

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

The Second Time Around… Married to the Same Person Twice!

Filed under: Second Marriages,Wedding Tips — Larry James @ 7:30 am
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What would you do differently if you and your ex-husband/ex-wife got married again – to each other? How would your 2nd wedding to the same person be different? More important… how would your 2nd “marriage” to the same person be different?

The only sensible reason I can think of to do this is that you get back together because you Love each another and truly want to be together again. That’s it!

Remarriage2SamePersonI would suggest that before you tie the knot again that you both consult a marriage coach or counselor – not to see if you are really crazy for considering it, but to learn from your own marital history. If you didn’t get coaching prior to your divorce, are you both willing to do it now? Are you doomed to repeat the same mistakes again? Another reason would be to honestly look at what caused you both to give up the first time around. It’s important to know that it is likely that unresolved and unfinished business could resurface the second time around.

“It is important to recognize that the first marriage is dead. Don’t let that ghost hurt your new marriage.” ~ Sheri & Bob Stritof

Sheri and Bob are right! It’s in the past. You cannot go back and change it. You begin from where you are now and move ahead. Coaching will help you both to see one another’s part in the marriage’s failure. I suggest that you do not move ahead unless you both can accept your responsibility for what happened and promise to never make the same mistakes again. AND… hold each other accountable!

Do NOT move ahead if either partner is hesitant to recognize their contribution to the disintegration of the failed marriage. Jim Solomon, a counselor who specializes in helping married couples, says that this hesitancy is a good indicator that the couple in question is not ready to get back together. In order for remarriage to be succesful, both spouses have to recognize that they each played a part in their marriage’s demise.

Do second marriages to each other again ever work? As with all marriages, the answer lies in what both partners are willing to do to make the relationship work for the long haul. A commitment of the highest order is absolutely necessary. If you are moving ahead with this idea, I highly recommend that you ignore any statistics that may discourage you. This time it is totally up to both of you to do “whatever it takes” to make it work. You can do that because hopefully you are much wiser now and more mature and are honestly taking marriage more seriously this time. People change as they grow older.

Would you have a small informal wedding with close friends and family or go big? You probably would have less stress. You could really let your hair down and do only what you want to do. No outside influences – mothers or friends. Hire a professional photographer to shoot the entire wedding all over again.

It’s always possible that you may hear ridicule from family members and friends. The important thing to keep in mind is to stay positive and follow your own heart. Let them know that you are both committed and you would appreciate their Love and support.

I suppose the true test is whether you know with absolute certainty that neither of you will make the same mistakes again. People do make the same mistakes unless they get insight through their own thinking about what caused the divorce and their role in the marriage failure. You also will make different ones, however, if you are both willing to take this second marriage to each other seriously and with total commitment, you will both approach how you find workable solutions together very different than the first time. For example, better communications. You must promise each other to talk about anything, and everything, all the time, that is relevant to your relationship. And, promise to do that sooner than later.

Marriage is complicated. Conflict is an inevitable part of relationships. It’s never easy. Why is remarriage so difficult? The short answer is, because it follows divorce. Simply, something came before that didn’t work out well. People who divorced are in a highly vulnerable state. They want to be in a close intimate relationship, but the failure factor is always present.

Remarriage is a serious step that needs to be taken very seriously. It’s not impossible to make remarriage work, but it takes some concerted action to make love better the second time around. There will always be ups and downs. However, something amazing happens when you again face your guests and walk out into the world together again. You both step into a new kind of commitment; one that has you promise to work together come what may and promise to do so no matter what life throws at you.

BONUS Article: So, We Got Married… (AGAIN!)
DIVORCED? Don’t Remarry Until You Read This

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Copyright © 2014 – Larry James. This information is adapted from Larry’s Wedding Website and Wedding Blog. Larry James is a non-denominational minister and performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere! Every wedding ceremony is customized to your complete satisfaction. Call to check availability: 480-998-9411 or 800-725-9223. You will find more than 475 pages of Wedding ideas, tips (90 tips and growing), ceremonies, and more at: http://www.celebrateintimateweddings.com. Check Larry’s availability.

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