Larry James' CelebrateIntimateWeddings BLOG

Monday, February 11, 2013

Splitting the Household Chores

Filed under: Household Chores — Larry James @ 7:30 am

It’s official: no one likes doing chores. You’d always find that strange kid in high school who actually liked to do homework, but show me one person who actually likes to do all the chores that have to get done around the house and I’ll be truly amazed.

Chores are the most mundane part of being married, but believe it or not lots of couples have huge fights over chores. In the beginning, when first dating, couples generally do everything together: shop, cook, clean, and walk the dog. But shortly after saying our vows – or even before that – we fall into more familiar, even stereotypical, roles. “Part of this has to do with our role models – our parents,” explains Samara Fabrick, LCSW, a couples therapist in Beverly Hills. “But another part has to do with practicality. We naturally gravitate toward things we’re good at.”

cleaningutensilsGuys! This is for you! Nowhere is it written that the woman should do all the housework! Nowhere!

Before you begin to argue over whose turn it is to do the dishes or who has to take the trash out, it’s a good idea to split up the chores – newlywed style – in a way that’s agreeable to the both of you.

Like everything else about getting married, this should be addressed before the wedding. Newlyweds are often surprised to find that the division of household chores is something that can be difficult to work out. Often, there is no attempt to make an equitable division, and this creates hard feelings on the part of the spouse who feels that they do more than their fair share.

One of the biggest deciding factors on who is going to do what type of chore is who is going to be home and who is not. Some couples have similar work schedules, but quite often, in today’s economy, one spouse is working much later than the other, or on days that the other spouse has off.

Before you can begin to split up all the household chores that you have to get done, you need to make sure that you set realistic goals. You can’t expect someone to take out the trash every Friday morning, for instance, if they have to be at work at 7 a.m. on a Friday. Take their work load into consideration before you even begin negotiating.

When you start splitting up the chores, volunteer to take everything that you truly enjoy doing. Do you like making meals? Do you not mind folding laundry? Could you run the vacuum sweeper? Make a list of everything that you actually enjoy doing. If you both like to do similar things, you can bargain for things that you dislike to do, like taking out the trash or sweeping the floor.

While some couples divide up each and every chore, others are more fluid in their division. For instance there are many couples where the wife is in charge of most of the household chores (with a few thrown in for the man), while the husband is in charge of vehicle and yard maintenance. Or vice versa. Split the chores up you both are neutral about, either by agreement or by chance.

GroceryListJobs that only need to be done occasionally may need to be put into a job jar and each party draws one out per week to do during the next week. Seasonal work can be handled together as a team.

Aim to do more than your fair share. This sounds like it goes against the principal of dividing up household chores equitably, but, in fact, if you have this attitude, you’ll find that your spouse will adopt it too and try to make things easier for you.

In the beginning it may be wise to do the grocery shopping together. If the wife usually does most of the shopping she may have favorites that she consistently buys. The husband would be smart to learn what these items are so he will not be returning things that may not be what she needs if she is doing the cooking.

What works best for you is what’s important, and that you both agree on the division of labor. And remember: if you ever start to have an issue over the chores that you’re supposed to be doing, don’t get upset or passive-aggressive, actually talk to your spouse about the situation. Be flexible. Bargains and changes can always be made!

Larry’s Note: A special “Thank you” to Danielle Tate, Founder and President of for inspiring this article.

Copyright © 2013 – Larry James. Larry James is an award winning, non-denominational wedding officiant and performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere! Every wedding ceremony is customized to your complete satisfaction. Call to check availability: 480-998-9411 or Cell: 480-205-3694. Pre-maritial relationship coaching is available and not required. You will find more than 475 pages of Wedding ideas, tips (90 tips and growing), ceremonies, and more at: Something NEW about weddings is posted every 4th day on this Wedding BLOG. Check Larry’s availability.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact:, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. –

NOTE: All articles, “LoveNotes” and wedding tips listed in this Wedding BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.


Add Larry James as a “friend” to your Facebook page:
Follow Larry’s “once daily” Relationship Tweet at:
Follow Larry’s “Relationship BLOG” at:
Follow Larry’s “Networking BLOG” at:
Follow Larry’s “Authors & Speakers” BLOG at:


1 Comment »

  1. […] Article: Splitting the Household Chores Pick Up Your Socks!!! 13 Ways to Get Dad to Help Out More Around the House Hey, Guys and […]


    Pingback by How to Stay Together When One’s a Neat Freak and One’s Messy | Larry James' CelebrateIntimateWeddings BLOG — Thursday, August 22, 2013 @ 7:36 am | Reply

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Blog at

%d bloggers like this: