Once married, there is more at stake. So why would you pay less attention to your lover’s needs once the prize has been won? The bonding of two hearts continues long after marriage. It takes diligent effort and a committed love for you to continue to stir the sparks and keep the fire burning. Getting married is just the beginning.
So… What does it take to have a healthy sexual relationship? It takes a relationship with unwavering commitment, a passion for life’s sexual journey and a dedication to the processes to go from boring sex to bliss in the bedroom.
It requires dedication to pleasure;
• learning to be intentionally spontaneous;
• developing the ability to communicate openly and honestly your most secret sexual desires;
• the willingness to be a student of great sex; the discipline to stay in the moment when being sexually intimate;
• the daring to experiment;
• an attention to hygiene;
• the generosity to consider your lover’s pleasure before your own or the esprit de corps to decide whether you go first or reach orgasm together;
• the keenness of mind to recognize the value of making love vs. only having sex;
• the gusto to be energetic or the sensitivity to passionately lie motionless together;
• the wit to not always take yourselves so seriously, to laugh, to play and to experience whatever is sexually fun;
• the insight to negotiate agreements and promises about how you will mutually care for your partner¹s needs in the sexual arena;
• the courage to ask for the variety of pleasure you want and
• the deserve and the respect to honor your lover’s right to say no without consequence.
Avoid selective sharing. When you are talking about making love with your love partner, share what is really in your heart. Say what you want. Have an agreement to listen without judgment. The agreement must include the right to not participate in something you consider not right for you, but without making a big deal out of it or criticizing your lover for speaking what he or she would like to try. Just say no. Or say, “Yes! Let’s try that!”
It may be difficult at first to share your sexual desires, but remember, each time you do, it will not only give you more freedom to naturally express what you want, most likely it will also be an incredible turn-on for your lover. Talking about making love with someone you love and being authentic about your desires is verbal foreplay.
When you place a high value on your sexual relationship, you will find more pleasure in it. When you are both energetic in your pursuit of it, bells ring! Be intentional about striving for ways to improve it. When you can freely express with words what making love with your love partner is like, how it feels, and what you would like to try next time, then you can explore together the erotic treats that God has given you the choice to create. You must learn to continue doing those things that you do together that keeps your love alive. Anything of value must be managed to stay in existence.
There is nothing more romantic than a marriage in which the spark still flickers and, more importantly, ignites on a regular basis. Just because you are married does not mean you have to stop acting like lovers. Passion does not stay alive by itself. Neither does love. A garden unattended does not explode into color; it withers and dies. Love and passion must be nurtured. If you expect love and passion to continue to burn as an unattended fire, you will both burn out.
Commitment must be renewed. Love must be rekindled. The true romantics are those who continually work together to maintain the love and passion that brought them together in the first place. While the pursuit is exciting and fun in the beginning, the responsibility each partner has of investing time and energy to supporting a healthy and prosperous marriage on a continuing basis is undeniably more important than hoping that things work out while giving far less effort than you spent on winning your partner’s hand. Holding on to it is the key.
Copyright © 2013 – Larry James. Larry James is an award winning, non-denominational wedding officiant and performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere! Every wedding ceremony is customized to your complete satisfaction. Call to check availability: 480-998-9411 or Cell: 480-205-3694. Pre-maritial relationship coaching is available and not required. You will find more than 475 pages of Wedding ideas, tips (90 tips and growing), ceremonies, and more at: http://www.celebrateintimateweddings.com. Something NEW about weddings is posted every 4th day on this Wedding BLOG. Check Larry’s availability.
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