As Elvis sang in his famous song “Only Fools Rush In.” When it comes to marriages, most would agree that these words define truth – marrying a person you hardly know can prove to be a thoughtless and sometimes even a dangerous decision.
Your marriage was different, right? It wasn’t a hasty act. You two had time to get to know each other, and the thought of marriage wasn’t something that you rushed. Like many, you married someone with whom you see yourself having children and growing old.
Wait, what was that? Having children? Retiring? Getting old? It’s only natural to think of the future occasionally, but rushing things is the worst possible idea for newlyweds! Rushing the future may not just create an array of hard-to-meet expectations for your spouse, but alienate your significant other, creating feelings of anxiety that shouldn’t be there. You may even make your husband feel trapped in the marriage instead of being a happy member of the union. It’s a fact! Having children does change the complexion of the relationship. Do your best to prepare for those changes.
The first few years of marriage are crucial for every married couple. During those years, responsibilities are divided, finances are joined and the spouses learn each other’s habits, traits they may dislike, and nuances they may have missed during the dating period. The time of adjustment, which starts after the wedding and the honeymoon, can last anywhere from a few months for up to a year, depending on a couple. It is NOT a good time to make important financial decisions, such as buying a house, or life-altering decision such as having a child. Just let these things occur as naturally as possible.
If, prior to the wedding, you and your fiancé created a “five-year plan” where you outlined all the steps you will be taking to achieve certain goals during the first five years of marriage, remember that unforeseen circumstances can significantly alter your plans or make it impossible to achieve your set goals in such a short period of time. Perhaps you envisioned your family building its future in a different location, provided one of you found a new job there, and, due to a difficult economic situation and job market flooded with great candidates, the two of you are unable to find anything. Once again, rushing things will only create stress on your marriage. Things will work out in due course.
The best thing you can do during the first year or two of your marriage is to take things slowly, listen to your partner, and communicate and spend quality time together while continuing to maintain your own interests and circle of friends.
The future is inevitable. Just focus on loving each other and let it happen!
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