I know – I’ve said it before, but you grooms really need to pay attention! It often seems that women tend to do more than their fair share of the work when it comes to pulling off the perfect wedding. Teams of one don’t work very well. Wedding planning isn’t just for brides.
More than once recently when I heard the bride ask the groom for his opinion he answered, “Whatever you want,” or “It doesn’t matter to me,” or (worse of all) “I really don’t care.”
Guys, the bride wants you to care. When you partner thinks you don’t care she usually gets disappointed or annoyed or pushy. And guess where that began. Many men display a disappointing level of apathy when it comes to wedding planning. That’s a bad way to get your marriage started.
When she asks for your input she sincerely would like to hear your opinion. You’re engaged so GET ENGAGED in the planning of your wedding. Your degree of participation is a test of your teamwork – maybe even how you will work together after the ceremony and when you begin your life together. Your lack of involvement could be a red flag to her. It is important for engaged couples to work together on your weddings, because it will help to prepare you for what lies ahead. Working together as a team now, sets the tone for the marriage. Since marriage is about partnership, the wedding planning should be a partnership too.
Never be a groom who sits on the couch watching football, grunting random approval for her whirlwind of ideas for invitations, favors, flowers, music, guest lists, food, locations, dresses… well, you get the idea. There are colors to consider, flowers to choose, cakes to taste, vendors to meet and contracts to sign. This is definitely not a one person project. Pitch in. She needs your assistance. When she shows you a photo of a wedding dress she admires, give her input. When you take the initiative to help and realize how much she is grateful and appreciates you for it that will be your reward.
She needs you involved for several reasons. There are many decisions to be made during the wedding planning process, some of which can be very difficult. When she requests your opinion she is asking for your commitment to help her. She wants you to make everything happen “together.” You really need to be in on all of the details. It’s an opportunity for you to demonstrate teamwork.
If a decision needs to be made the day of the wedding, when the bride is in the limo on the way to the wedding venue, you better be ready to make a quick decision. Those decisions are usually time-sensitive and will not wait until the bride arrives. If you are engaged in the decision making from the beginning you will be aware of what’s going on and your opinion will be of value.
Your sweetheart needs your balance and perspective. Not participating can cause unneeded stress. She should not feel the weight of the entire responsibility for the entire event. Share the responsibility and share the stress. I believe that you should be asking her opinion about things too. “What do you think, dear?” Surprise her by asking if she would like to write some of your own wedding vows (I call these “Personal Promises“) for the wedding ceremony. Collaborate or write your own and let what you say be a surprise at the wedding (a better idea!).
Come to the wedding appointment with the Minister or Wedding Officiant. Help choose the wedding venue and go with her when she visits the other wedding vendors. She needs your input. Attend the Bridal Shows “together!” Having the groom involved with wedding planning is not a new phenomenon. Men who respect their partners go the extra mile – they fully participate.
Start planning the honeymoon. That should be right up your alley. Call Larry James for some very special ideas and savings for a Sandals Honeymoon! Once you decide on a destination that’s right for the both of you, work on a budget together. Surprise her with some of the details, eg., plan a special day at the spa, etc. Suggest that you take some dancing lessons together and put on a special show during the reception.
Don’t be clueless at your wedding! Don’t be a fiancée who’s sitting on the sidelines. Be part of the team! Make these important decisions together. Make a list and choose to help in the areas that best use your expertise. Many men are happy to pitch in with the planning in ways that allow them to best use their particular talents.
Copyright © 2012 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s “romantic” Wedding Website. Larry James is an award winning, non-denominational wedding officiant and performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere! Every wedding ceremony is customized to your complete satisfaction. Call to check availability: 480-998-9411 or Cell: 480-205-3694. Pre-maritial relationship coaching is available and not required. You will find more than 470 pages of Wedding ideas, tips (90 tips and growing), ceremonies, and more at: http://www.celebrateintimateweddings.com. Something NEW about weddings is posted every 4th day on this Wedding BLOG. Check Larry’s availability.
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