Larry James' CelebrateIntimateWeddings BLOG

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Hey Guy! Getting Married? – Don’t Be Clueless!

Filed under: Groom's Duties,Wedding Tips — Larry James @ 8:00 am
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Getting married – for a guy – is much more that picking out your tux, bringing the ring and show up at the wedding on time (and sober). 😉 Sorry, guys… but it’s really stupid to tell your bride, “Whatever you want, just do it!” or “I like all your ideas.” This is not just HER day, it’s your day as a couple! Weddings are not just a “girl thing.”

planningWeddingYour sweetie would like for you to be proactive in helping her plan the wedding (even if she says otherwise). Leaving it all up to her and her maid of honor (or heaven forbid, her mother) is just wrong. Not to get involved is a big mistake. Never, I repeat, never defer to your fiancée for all the planning. According to a 2007 survey of recently married couples by The Knot Wedding Network, the groom was significantly involved in planning: 36 percent of grooms were “very involved” and 57 percent of grooms were “somewhat involved.” Respondents to a poll indicated similar numbers, with 38 percent of grooms “very involved” and over 60 percent “somewhat involved.”

Brides today often expect grooms to fully participate in the wedding planning process. But many men continue to display stereotypical aversion to all things wedding-related. PLEASE don’t be one of those guys. Ask yourself, what kind of team you want to be as a couple in planning your wedding. How do you want to do this together? Communicate.

The underlying goal is to get your marriage started on the right foot. You are a couple now – it’s about sharing responsibilities! The day is about the couple and not just the bride after all. Don’t get involved and you will look like a loser who let his woman do everything. What kind of message does that send to her and her family? Be completely involved. Go over every decision together.

It’s a given that you will need to choose your best man and the groomsmen. By the way, it’s considered a common courtesy to include your soon-to-be brother-in-law(s) in the wedding party. You might be smart to trade in night clubs and beer parties for golf outings, camping trips, and even a baseball game if you’re planning a bachelor party.

Don’t just help her when she asks for it, offer to take over certain duties and keep your word and – this happens a lot – don’t wait until the last minute to do what you promised. In other words, don’t be a procrastinator.

Stress-free?? Brides! Give the Groom a to-do list!

Attend all the vendor interviews “together,” especially the one with the Wedding Officiant. As a Wedding Officiant, I often spend anywhere from 1 1/2 to 2 hours with couples talking about all the details of the ceremony – do the bridesmaids and groomsmen walk in together or separately, what are the seating arrangements for the parents of the bride and groom, are there additional “add-on” ceremonies like the “Blending of the Sands” that you would like to add, etc. Think about what you want to express as you exchange vows. Write some “romantic” words of your own to say to her during the ceremony. Go to the food tastings. Help with choosing the entertainment at the reception.


Click book cover & buy this book!

Think about this, guys! Most couples have no idea of all the various details of a wedding. There are literally hundreds of little decisions that need to be made when planning your wedding. Not knowing causes anxiety and stress. Show her you really care.

Do yourself a favor. Consider hiring a Wedding Consultant. The Wedding Consultant is often the first thing people cut from their budget. That is never a good idea! They know the details and can often get you special deals with the vendors they work with.

While you may not think wedding planning is fun, plenty of other people are usually happy to lend a hand. Reach out to your friends, family, and the bridal party for support.

The book, “Take Back Your Wedding” combines wisdom from the world of family therapy with a realistic picture of how couples and families behave under the stress of planning a wedding. Weddings bring out the best and worst in all of us because they combine romance, money, family and friend loyalties, jealousies, new in-law relations, and endless practical decisions, all played out publicly. With the book (on the right) you will better handle stress, avoid common pitfalls, enhance your relationships, and better launch a successful marriage. I highly recommend that you purchase this book.

The best advice I can give you guys is not to be a disengaged groom – take a serious interest in the decision-making process of planning your wedding. It’s important to work as a couple towards your big wedding day, to say nothing about your marriage.

BONUS Article: Top 10 Things Men Can Do to Get Involved with Wedding Planning
Wedding Planning Like a Man

Copyright © 2012 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s “romantic” Wedding Website. Larry James is an award winning, non-denominational wedding officiant and performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere! Every wedding ceremony is customized to your complete satisfaction. Call to check availability: 480-998-9411 or Cell: 480-205-3694. Pre-maritial relationship coaching is available and not required. You will find more than 470 pages of Wedding ideas, tips (90 tips and growing), ceremonies, and more at: Something NEW about weddings is posted every 4th day on this Wedding BLOG. Check Larry’s availability.

Subscribe to Larry’s FREE monthly “LoveNotes for Lovers” eZINE. Contact:, P.O. Box 12695, Scottsdale, AZ 85267-2695. –

NOTE: All articles, “LoveNotes” and wedding tips listed in this Wedding BLOG – written by Larry James – are available for reprint in magazines, periodicals, newsletters, newspapers, eZINEs, on the Internet or on your own Website. Click here for details.


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    Pingback by 48 Things Every Man Should Know | Larry James' CelebrateIntimateWeddings BLOG — Saturday, July 11, 2015 @ 8:33 am | Reply

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    Pingback by Brides Want Grooms to Be More Involved in Planning the Wedding! | Larry James' CelebrateIntimateWeddings BLOG — Saturday, November 30, 2013 @ 8:31 am | Reply

  3. This has lots of great pointers! Grooms can be involved in lots of ways if you’re open to it – plan your special day together and it will make all the memories that much more your own.


    Comment by Chicago Wedding DJ — Wednesday, May 30, 2012 @ 4:40 pm | Reply

  4. […] the vendor interviews “together,” especially the one with the Wedding Officiant. More here: Hey Guy! Getting Married? – Don't Be Clueless! « Larry James … Love Me, Love My Cat… Times 550 | Manolo for the BridesHerouxville Town Charter: Is the Canadian […]


    Pingback by It's The Bride In Me – Hey Guy! Getting Married? – Don't Be Clueless! « Larry James … — Tuesday, May 29, 2012 @ 7:56 pm | Reply

  5. I would get or buy this book. Yuvy


    Comment by Yuvy — Sunday, May 27, 2012 @ 9:11 pm | Reply

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