Larry James' CelebrateIntimateWeddings BLOG

Monday, April 9, 2012

The Work of a Successful Marriage Begins After You Say, “I do!”

Filed under: Coaching,Marriage Tips!,Relationship Tips — Larry James @ 7:00 am

Marital bliss is not something that just magically happens after you say, “I do.” It’s a relationship where both parties need to communicate about what’s going on in their life. When you spoke your wedding vows to each other you made a commitment to make your marriage work. Now that you are past the “I dos,” it’s time to get to work!

eggshellsAccording to a 2010 survey by the Pew Research Center, nearly 40% of Americans believe marriage is obsolete, and only 54% of American adults are married, down from 72% in 1960. However, some experts argue it’s not marriage itself that’s obsolete; it’s the stereotype of what a “perfect” marriage is that’s antiquated. Marrying the person you love and turning your marriage into a happy one – requires immense hard work. And you are the one who has to do the work. It’s a constant process to make it better.

Your wife/husband should be your very best friend! No excuses. If this is true – and you “know” it is – you should be able to talk to your partner about how you’re feeling about your marriage relationship. You should not have to walk on egg shells wondering whether you will say something that will upset the apple cart.

Something to consider. Preventative maintenance works. To me, what that means is: You shouldn’t just be together hoping everything will work out fine. It means that if you really want a healthy love relationship with your partner you both must continue to work on the relationship all the time, not only when it’s broken and needs to be fixed.

Read about relationships. Study them. Good relationship books can give you ideas that you can use to make your relationship better. Make plans to attend relationship workshops and seminars. If things begin to go sideways, find a good relationship coach – sit down and talk about what’s going on and together determine what you need to do to fix it.

Never ever let your love diminish. Respect each other. When you give respect, you get respect. Never take each other for granted. This can be a killer for a relationship. When your partner feels taken for granted, not respected or acknowledged, and feels that others are a higher priority than him/herself, resentment brews. A regular “state of the union” check-in with your spouse as to how she/he is feeling about the relationship can help avert resentment build-up.

Communicate. Communication is key. Talk to each other as much as you can. Couples who stop talking will find that their marriages don’t last. Express your love in romantic ways. Compromise. It can’t always be your way. Don’t be selfish. Marriage works best when you give to your partner the love that you need. Pay attention to important dates. Remember birthdays and anniversaries.

sippingshakesForgiveness is another important key. No one is perfect and invariable your partner will do something that hurts you. Be willing to forgive. Read, “Forgiveness… What’s it For?

Resolve conflict quickly. Don’t let the pot boil over. The more time you wait to move to a solution the more difficult it will be to take the first step. Say, “I’m sorry,” when you need to and mean it when you say it. Never nag. Nagging is genuinely harmful for maintaining harmony in your married life. Never use harsh words. If physical or emotional abuse occurs, move quickly to get professional help. If it requires leaving to get out of harms way, do it NOW!

When you get angry… “think” before you speak! Always express appreciation even for the small things your partner does. Listen! Be attentive to your partner. NEVER talk about your exes. If your partner has children from a previous marriage and they must communicate with their ex about the kids, be as understanding as you can.

Don’t hide your feelings. If you’re happy about something, speak up. If something is bothering you, speak up. Be loving when communicating something that is bothering you.

Share responsibilities. Nowhere does it say that only the woman should do the housework. Nowhere! Share. Take turns doing chores. Share and delegate your responsibilities among each other so that there is balance at work and home.

Remember to say, “I love you!” (outloud) at least once each day. Those three magical words brightens up any face and makes the relationship grow fonder and more intimate. Be vulnerable, open and honest about your fears and hopes; share yourself without fear of failure or being hurt.

Keep the romance alive. Romance will make the relationship spicy and juicy. Never allow business, chores, or children to get the way of your romantic life. Always express your feelings to your partner and try out ways to make them feel special for no reason except that you love them. There doesn’t have to be a special occasion. Plan to have FUN together.

Read Greg Godek’s book, “1001 Ways to Be Romantic.” Have a healthy relationship requires planning, creativity and commitment. Make time for each other just as you use to when you were dating.

GreatSexThese are but a few things you can work on – issues that tend to surface in my relationship coaching sessions. No one said that a successful marriage was going to be easy. Remember you are a team… and you should work together as such.

Great sex! That’s important too. For you to share intense intimacy… all other factors of a healthy relationship must be in place. It’s difficult to make love with someone with whom you are pissed off. 😉 Love each other. Physically, yes; but emotionally, too. Always keep in mind what it was love that brought the two of you together. Hang on to it. Whatever happens, remember that you’re in it together.

Marriage, like any other worthwhile endeavor, requires patience and practice – it needs help now and then, both during the good times and when things become difficult. Never let problems build up till they are uncontrollable. And certainly never underestimate any problem that comes up. Often a small problem – when allowed to fester – could have been solved with 5 minutes of discussion, turns into grounds for divorce. Don’t let that happen to you.


More info – click book cover!

When there is difficulty, it may require outside help. Never be ashamed to ask for help. I am sadden when I hear of couples who move so quickly to divorce rather than muster up the courage to seek help and try to make a marriage work. It’s not easy. Maintaining a marriage is one of our most significant challenges. And there is a solution for every problem. If you can’t find it, perhaps someone else can. Don’t give up so easily.

BONUS Articles: Sweet Dreams Are Made of This…
Unleash Your Romantic Fervor!
Need Some Romantic Ideas?
Focus on Spending “Quality” Time Together
Ear Candy, Anyone?

Copyright © 2012 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s “romantic” Wedding Website. Larry James is an award winning, non-denominational wedding officiant and performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere! Every wedding ceremony is customized to your complete satisfaction. Call to check availability: 480-998-9411 or Cell: 480-205-3694. Pre-maritial relationship coaching is available and not required. You will find more than 470 pages of Wedding ideas, tips (90 tips and growing), ceremonies, and more at: Something NEW about weddings is posted every 4th day on this Wedding BLOG. Check Larry’s availability.

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    Pingback by Marriage is Not a Test Drive… | Larry James' CelebrateIntimateWeddings BLOG — Monday, August 24, 2015 @ 7:31 am | Reply

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    Pingback by Have You Planned Your Marriage… or Just the Wedding? | Larry James' CelebrateIntimateWeddings BLOG — Friday, August 30, 2013 @ 7:32 am | Reply

  3. Reblogged this on desiredassistanceweddings.


    Comment by daweddings — Friday, April 20, 2012 @ 5:18 pm | Reply

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