Sorry to say, but according to the brides and grooms who were willing to share in a brief, unofficial survey with me… making love on their wedding night is mostly hype, especially the hot ‘n heavy type!
Planning a wedding and all the things that are connected to it, eg., bridal showers, sending invitations, the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner, and finally the wedding day – with the cocktail party and the reception – can leave a couple nearly completely drained, exhausted and making love on their wedding night is the farthest thing from their minds – (for most, anyway!).
AND… for those who did, most admitted that that they could have been very easily talked out of it. One couple told me that they abstained for several weeks leading up to the wedding day so they could be ready for action and admitted that they were so exhausted from the wedding day that it wasn’t quite as pleasurable as they expected. Most were simply too pooped to be amorous. One bride told me, “I would never risk choosing a partner for life without knowing if we are sexually compatible. We had fun getting to know each other sexually (condoms, of course) about a year after we became engaged. Foreplay is a very important part of making love.”
About one in three brides-to-be expect to hop in the sack and snooze after the wedding reception. According to TheKnot.com, “About one third of all ages spend the wedding night opening gifts, sleeping, counting cash presents, partying with friends.” It’s not at all uncommon – in fact its very common – for newly married couples to be so tired on their wedding night that one or both immediately fall asleep so making love doesn’t happen till the next day.
I bring this up because after talking with newly married couples, most had not discussed their wedding night plans before the wedding. This is a subject that you really need to talk about. If you both agree, it could be a great idea to wait until the morning when you have more time and energy to enjoy making love – then your wedding night intimacy issue is resolved!
So, what the next best thing? How about planning an early afternoon wedding and after the reception take some alone time to rest, relax and reminisce about the day as you cuddle in each others arms. Swap some of the highlights of your wedding day and take a nap. You can plan for your romantic interlude later that evening when you have regained your energy and can take the time to focus solely on each other. Anticipation about what will happen later can only heighten your arousal.
Perhaps a better idea: hold the sexy lingerie, lovely candlelight, a glass of wine and a gorgeous room for the night after your wedding. It’ll be more fun after you had a little rest. In the meantime you can open gifts, make notes about who gave you what and begin to write your “thank yous.”
Long wedding receptions often morph into a night of revelry and celebration. The big day can become a blur. Romantic sex then can be the farthest thing from your mind. Do your best to not be one who drinks so much at the reception that you don’t remember crawling into bed on your wedding night. That’s a no-no!
One bride told me, “Our wedding night was amazing. I have never had sex so good. I am even more amazed that it keeps getting better. We agreed to have no more than two drinks and although we were both tired we did the deed!” As long as you make sure you are both on the same page you should be okay. To do it, or not to do it – that is the question. It’s great fun getting to know each other intimately.
You can always make up for not making love on your wedding night on your honeymoon. A groom told me (with a big smile on his face), “We decided to wait until the second night of our honeymoon. After the wedding we were both exhausted. We left for Italy two days after the wedding, went to sleep in each others arms the first night and the second night…WoW!”
What about those couples who don’t believe you should have sex before you are married? It’s a personal choice. Every couple has to make the decision that is best for them. If you are in that camp, remember that while sex is a natural part of life, it’s a bit more complicated than you might think. Your first time doesn’t need to be adventurous and perfect, you have the rest of your life for that – just do everything you can to make it special. To have pleasurable sex together there is a “learning curve.” Don’t expect fireworks the first time. It may be wise to seek advice from a sex therapist, a marriage counselor, relationship coach or talk about it together with a trusted friend. Read a good book about sex. “Red Hot LoveNotes for Lovers” is a good one (if I do say so myself). The more you talk about it with each other, the better off you will be.
Guys… Drink in moderation. If you both agree to make love on your wedding night, you don’t want to have trouble rising to the occasion later. The main thing to remember is making your bride feel special. If you can do that, you’ve already succeeded.
Copyright © 2011 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s “romantic” Wedding Website. Larry James is an award winning, non-denominational wedding officiant and performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere! Every wedding ceremony is customized to your complete satisfaction. Call to check availability: 480-998-9411 or 800-725-9223. Pre-maritial relationship coaching is available and not required. You will find more than 470 pages of Wedding ideas, tips (90 tips and growing), ceremonies, and more at: http://www.celebrateintimateweddings.com. Something NEW about weddings is posted every 4th day on this Wedding BLOG. Check Larry’s availability.
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