During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer:
“Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I’m to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that part out.” He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.
It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom’s vows, the pastor looks the young man in the eye and says:
“Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?”
The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, “Yes,” then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: “I thought we had a deal.”
The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom’s hand and whispered: “She made me a better offer.”
While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona cafe, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather to how things used to be in the “good old days”.
Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked, “Roy, aren’t you and your bride celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary soon?”
“Yup, we sure are,” Roy replied.
“Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?” another man asked.
The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied, “For our 25th anniversary, I took the missus to Tucson. For our 50th, I’m thinking about going down there again and picking her up.”
Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:
“Are you the owner?”
The pharmacist answers “Yes.”
“We’re about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?”
“Of course we do.”
“How about medicine for circulation?”
“Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis?”
“How about Viagra?”
“Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, Jaundice?”
“Yes, a large variety. The works.”
“What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson’s disease?”
“You sell wheelchairs and walkers?”
“All speeds and sizes.”
Jacob says to the pharmacist: “We’d like to register here for our wedding gifts, please.”
I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement. Won’t you forgive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart. I was such a fool. No one can take your place. I love you.
All my love,
P.S. Congratulations on winning this week’s lottery.
A newlywed left work one Friday afternoon but, being payday, rather than going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.
Finally appearing at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.
Eventually, his bride stopped the nagging and simply said to him, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”
“That would be perfectly fine with me,” he replied.
Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
By Thursday, the swelling had gone down just enough to where he could see her out of the corner of his right eye.
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Copyright © 2009 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s Wedding Website. Larry James is a non-denominational minister and performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere! Every wedding ceremony is customized to your complete satisfaction. Call to check availability: 480-998-9411 or 800-725-9223. You will find more than 455 pages of Wedding ideas, tips (90 tips and growing), ceremonies, and more at: http://www.celebrateintimateweddings.com. Check Larry’s availability.
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