Remember, your wedding is “your” wedding, not your mothers or your future mother-in-law’s wedding. Use tact and plenty of it. You may need to remind your relatives that they had their wedding the way they wanted it and now it’s your turn.
If you must, give in a little – on both sides of the family – however if it’s something that you absolutely do not want to be a part of the wedding, take a time-out to think about how you can tactfully say no.
Possibly the only exception might be if there are differences in religion, background or culture. It is sometimes wise to honor the faith of your guests as well. AND. . . it is your wedding. You get to say how and what is said.
Sidebar: Be sure that your minister is willing to make your ceremony fit what YOU want, not what he thinks it should be.
Celebrate each other’s uniqueness and emphasize the things you have in common.
UPDATE: Mothers who force influence on their daughter or son’s wedding should be ashamed! At a recent wedding rehearsal the mother of the bride kept interrupting the rehearsal by trying to change everything. The daughter didn’t complain and I could tell she was getting upset. I smiled and went over to her mother and whispered in her ear, “This is your daughter’s wedding, not yours. You already had your wedding. She has already told me what she wanted. Please back off and let her have it her way.”
The mother was visibly pissed. The daugher came over and asked me what I said to her mother. When I told her, she said, “YES!! Thank you.” The mother backed off (still upset), did not say another word and allowed the venue coordinator and I to conduct the rest of the rehearsal.
At the wedding reception the mother came over to me, gave me a big hug and whispered in MY ear, “I’m so sorry I tried to change everything. I just wanted it to be perfect. The wedding was perfect and your ceremony was the best I’ve ever heard.”
Wheew! I wasn’t quite sure what she was going to say, AND it all worked out. I would rather be the bad guy and step in to take control when mother’s do this to their daughters, rather than watch the daughter be run over by her mom and live to regret not having her wedding HER way.
Your comments are always welcome!
Copyright © 2009 – Larry James. This idea is adapted from Larry’s “romantic” Wedding Ceremony. Larry James is an award winning, non-denominational wedding officiant and performs the most “Romantic” wedding ceremony you will find anywhere! Every wedding ceremony is customized to your complete satisfaction. Call to check availability: 480-998-9411 or 800-725-9223. Pre-maritial relationship coaching is available and not required. You will find more than 460 pages of Wedding ideas, tips (90 tips and growing), ceremonies, and more at: http://www.celebrateintimateweddings.com. Something NEW about weddings is posted every 4th day on this Wedding BLOG. Check Larry’s availability.
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